#I have a short comic idea for Ed. because I like making them talk about their feelings sometimes

[saturnaous]

I never stop thinking about them.

SEND ME ART REQUESTS BOY

[threecheersforinking]

My Favorite Character from each of my Favorite Anime

Hi! I’ve done a few separate posts about my top 10 anime and my favorite anime characters, but I decided I’d combine those ideas into one post and try and pick out my favorite character from each of my favorite anime. This is going to be hard because I know I have multiple favorites for most of these, but I will do my best. Let’s go!

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood- Hohenheim

I usually cycle between Ed, Hohenheim, and Mustang being my favorite character, but recently it’s been Hohenheim. I think he’s both under appreciated and misunderstood by the FMAB fandom. Long story short, I love characters riddled with guilt (not sure what this says about me lol). If you’re interested, I’ve already written a whole post about how much I love him!

Revolutionary Girl Utena- Utena

I always shift between Utena and Anthy being my favorite, but I really have loved Utena from the start. I find it very compelling how she hides her internal anguish behind her cheerful, positive persona.

Toradora- Taiga

I’ve already written so much about Taiga (in this post, spoilers) so there’s not much else to say besides that I’m the number 1 Taiga defender. I love her, she reminds me of myself in some ways, she’s great. I think she’s the perfect example of a ‘flawed’ protagonist.

Chihayafuru- Chihaya

Chihaya is such a ray of sunshine, comic relief, and a total fuck up, and yet she is an incredible karuta prodigy and the protagonist of the show. She is also one of the most realistic neurodivergent-coded characters I’ve ever seen. I think it’s fun how she defies expectations as well; she has the appearance of a beautiful cool model, but as soon as other characters talk to her they realize how much of a nerd she is.

March Comes in like a Lion- Hina

There are a lot of sub-plots and semi-important characters in this show, but the side character that I was always the most interested in was Hina. I think the way she is so open about her emotions is inspiring, and as she goes through hardships it’s nice to see how she matures while also maintaining her cheerful attitude.

Your Lie in April- Tsubaki

I haven’t watched this anime in a long time, but I do know that when I first watched it my favorite character was Tsubaki for sure. Her unrequited love plot line was heart wrenching and compelling.

Love is War- Ishigami

I also cycle between a few favorite characters in Love is War (I adore both Shirogane and Kaguya of course) but at this point in the story in the anime, Ishigami is my favorite. I think he is such a realistic portrayal of an insecure, awkward teen, and I love how noble and selfless he is behind the scenes.

Haikyuu- Kageyama

What else is there to say, truly? I loved Kageyama the second he was introduced. His dynamic with Hinata is what makes the show, and his stubborn, cold personality is something I tend to be drawn to when it comes to my favorite kinds of characters.

Madoka Magica- Homura

Sayaka is a really really close second, but after finishing the series for the first time I couldn’t get Homura’s story out of my head. Her determination and willpower are honestly unmatched, and each new watch of the show makes me appreciate her more.

Monster- Dieter

I feel like Dieter may seem like an odd choice for a favorite; as you may expect, Tenma (many people’s favorite I’d assume) is probably a close second for me. But I think I liked Dieter so much because he was proof that love and support are capable of saving even the most traumatized individual. He was so cute and I loved how much he loved Tenma.

If you made it through this whole thing, thanks for reading! Also, I highly recommend watching all of these, I’ve linked my spoiler free reviews in the titles if you haven’t watched them and are interested in finding out more.

Thanks for reading!

-threecheersforinking

[mister-faltine]

Characters from the Dark Dimension that I would love to see in the MCU.

Warning: The images in this post belong to their respective creators, such as Steve Ditko, Ed McGuinness, Luigi Zagaria, among others. Sorry if the images are in poor quality, some comics weren't on the best sites. English is not my main language, sorry if there are errors in the text.

Another Warning: The characters on this list will not be characters like Umar, Olnar, Orini, Dormammu, Clea, etc. I want to focus on lesser-known characters, and currently, Clea is getting a lot of attention and Umar appears more than before. Olnar and Orini are already talked about in certain parts of Fandom and I want to focus on others here.

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5 - Kronik.

Okay, let's start with this character, because Kronik only appeared in ONE comic and I'm not even kidding. Kronik appeared in "Doctor Strange: Sorcerer Supreme #78" and he is some kind of Dormammu's personal telepath. Why does Dormammu need a guy like that? I don't know, but the character only served to inform Clea about a new crisis in the Dark Dimension, because some inhabitants were turning into monsters and killing everyone around them. So, Kronik wanted to team up with Clea to defeat this threat, but I believe that this story has not been continued to this day, and if it has, then it is in the darkest corners in the comics, because I never found it.

Now, why would I want to see this character in the MCU? Because I believe it has the potential to be a much better adaptation than the original. Like, his name is "Kronik", which is synonymous with "Chronos, the Personification of Time" in Greek mythology. So why not expand this idea into the MCU? Since the Dark Dimension was established to be "Beyond Time", he could have some important role and still be one of the oldest beings in the Dark Dimension. Perhaps because he was old and wise, Dormammu gave him a place in his royalty and he would talk about the past and FUTURE battles that the Lord of Chaos would face.

4 - G'uranthic Guardian.

G'uranthic is a character that some people may know exists, but even so, he is mega unknown. For those who don't know, G'uranthic is a being that was created long before Dormammu took the throne and he was created by one of the ancient rulers of the Dark Dimension (G'uran The Great). He is represented as a mystical construct that has immense power, because he was created to obey and protect not only the current ruler of the Dark Dimension, but also keep his palace safe from any threats.

I would really love to see this monster in the movies, because not only would it be one of the most powerful beings in the Dark Dimension, but it would also make a lot of people find the history of the Dark Dimension very rich, even if just a little. Seriously, the Dark Dimension has so much potential and has an interesting story behind it, but it's a shame that Marvel almost never focuses on it.

3 - These 4 Henchmen.

Yes, those guys. For those who don't know (or don't remember), these 4 henchmen were sent by Dormammu to kill Stephen in "Strange Tales #126". In other words, they were the first 4 henchmen from the Dark Dimension to be revealed in the comics, if you don't count the G'uranthic Guardian and Orini. I'm going to talk about each one separately and let you know that they don't have names, at least not that I know of. I'll talk about each one in order, starting from left to right of the image.

1 - The Golden Golem: This was the first henchman who faced Stephen in the Dark Dimension and his ability is to consume spells. In short, the more spells the opponent throws at him, the bigger and stronger he becomes. I'll admit, I think it would be cool to have this guy in a Doctor Strange movie, because I think it makes sense for Dormammu to have troops that consume spells from his enemies, since the Lord of Chaos is up against several Sorcerers Supreme normally. And of course, I like the look of it, because it's simple and beautiful at the same time.

2 - Dark Knights: These guys attacked Stephen through a portal and were trying to capture him for Dormammu. However, Stephen realized that spells don't work on them and had to use the "Amulet Of Agamotto" to defeat them. Anyway, one idea I thought of for these characters is if they have a power similar to Noob Saibot's power in Mortal Kombat, because Noob (Bi-Han) can create shadows (Saibot) to attack his opponents. It would be easier to combine all these knights into just 1.

3 - Fake Tiboro: Yeah, this guy looks like Tiboro to me because of the helmet, but whatever. This guy is just a distraction for Stephen, because the next henchman wanted to surprise Stephen. However, I can imagine this guy being just an evil spirit who hangs out with the henchman and could have a more menacing look in the movies. Speaking of that other henchman...

4 - The Bubble Guy: Yes, this guy's power is to release bubbles and he almost managed to crush Stephen with them. However, Stephen being smart, managed to create a hole inside the bubble and released a spell to trap the enemy inside another bubble. As much as I can't invent many things for this henchman, I will admit that his helmet reminds me of the hat that the Pope (or Priest, I don't know) wears in churches. In short, I think this guy could be some kind of leader in Dormammu's cults, because Dormammu wants to control everyone not only by force, but by religion as well. I don't know, it would be interesting and it would also explain why certain inhabitants of the Dark Dimension are loyal to Dormammu.

Anyway, these are the ideas I have for these henchmen.

2 - Asti The All-Seeing.

Now, let's talk about one of the most interesting characters in the Dark Dimension and one of the most wasted to date. Asti is one of Dormammu's servants, he appears to have many duties, he is sent to fight, lure, capture and keep an eye on the Dark Lord's adversaries. This character even worked for The Maker for a while, but that doesn't matter. His powers seem to be based more on summons, such as summoning creatures, tentacles, etc. He appears to be powerful and even faced Wiccan himself once, despite losing.

Asti even has potential, because I think he could be one of the few servants that Dormammu trusts in the MCU and could still be considered a friend, honestly. He could be sent to keep an eye on many things, even Dormammu's own family. I believe that Asti could have a similar personality to Starscream in "Transformers: Prime", but the difference is that he is loyal to his master and perhaps he will be loyal to Clea, if she is Dormammu's apprentice in the MCU. It would make sense for Dormammu to have "Eyes and Ears" in places he can't be or doesn't have control over.

1 - Jack The Ripper.

Yes, Jack is a being from the Dark Dimension in the Marvel Universe, but with some differences. Long story short, Dormammu sent a parasite to England because he couldn't invade Earth at that time, thanks to the Ancient One. Then, when the parasite arrived in London, it possessed a man called "Tom Malverne" and used his body to cause the deaths of several people. However, according to certain Thor comics, it is said that the parasite is from a race called "Zaniac", but I can't say if this is true, because I don't read many Thor comics. Jack has the ability to create knives through his body and cause immense savagery in the host he is possessing.

I know that Jack is a person who existed in real life and maybe Marvel would never have the courage to put him in the movies, but man, how I wanted to see him in a Doctor Strange movie or series. He could be one of Dormammu's most lethal assassins/agents and still be very intimidating with his comic book look. Listen, if the Ancient One got a series in the MCU, I believe Jack could appear as the Main Villain. Like, it was said that the Ancient One was the last in a long line of Sorcerers Supreme, but we still don't know what happened and what forced her to use the power of the Dark Dimension. However, Jack could be the perfect explanation for this, because he could have arrived on Earth to destroy the Sanctum in London and then go on to destroy the other Sanctums for Dormammu. BUT, the Sorcerers were there to prevent this, but Jack managed to kill them and the Ancient One was forced to use the power of the Dark Dimension to banish/destroy Jack and live long enough until Stephen arrived in Kamar-Taj.

_______________________________________________

Anyway, that's the list, and once again, I'm sorry if there are errors in the text because of my English. This post was supposed to be released a long time ago, but I ended up being too lazy to finish it. I hope you liked the post and tell me what you thought later.

[junk-thrillz]

cody x ed (looks around rapidly...who said that...i didnt say that...) they both are chasing after other people (their approval, their trust, for their protection [[if not for their protection, their trust, if not always their trust, for their protection]]- isabel and jeff) only to find themselves and one another accidentally and incidentally. Ft. ed poorly drawing out spirits for cody to see. ft have they even interacted in canon dont dont ask me that . watching lightning bugs at night. missing and transformed moms. one who is never truly family, and finds freedom without purpose, one who is stuck with family and looses free will. the true perks/punishment of a small town is that one random guy in your middle school class suddenly becoming the guy you always knew in highschool. color palletes that look cool together. Bye

No no come back, I want to hear more-

AND YOU KNOW WHAT!! It doesn't mattered that they've barely interacted in canon!! The world is our oyster!! They're canonically friends!! I think that's part of why they're so appealing to me as a pair. Like, what's their story? How did they become friends? How do they talk to each other? What do they talk about? It feels right to see them next to each other, or even just in the same scene, but there's so little canon material about them to go off of that I wonder why I get that feeling about them. There's so much left unanswered about their dynamic and I WANT TO KNOW!! I want them to have a moment alone together!!

I think it's easy to forget, sometimes, that Ed has an entire friend group separate from the Activity Club, a group with people who they actually have a lot of chemistry with. Because we have very few scenes in comic where we actually get to see that group in action. But they are!! They are friends!! And I want to see Cody and Ed hang out even if it isn't in a romantic context!! (But also it being in a romantic context would be cool too-)

I already shipped them on account of my belief that their entire friend group has something gay going on, but your ask is making me realize how perfect they are as a thematic pair. I can't help but latch onto the comment you made about their families... how neither Cody nor Ed have probably never been to the other's house, because their situations are both less-than-ideal in wildly different ways. The way Cody and Ed have the potential to understand in each other in a unique way, but also have the potential to miss each other like two ships passing in the night.

I've actually written Cody x Ed fic before. Just for you (and everyone else who ends up seeing this post), I'll post it under a Read More. It was written mere months before the reveal that Cody's heart isn't in his chest, so it's been thoroughly decanonized... but that also makes it funnier to look back on. We really had no idea huh? Anyway, here's some short Cody x Ed.

Cody’s heart beat slower than the others’. Ed knew why. Ed knew why, but they weren’t sure they liked the reason. There was always that fear, that someone like the Cousinhood would come to take Cody away. That Cody’s dad, an example of what a spectral could become, represented what Ed could become. That someday, maybe the Cousinhood would take everyone away. 

Ed sighed, adjusting their legs so that they wouldn’t fall asleep. Strewn out half on top of, half beside Cody, head resting against his chest so that they could hear his slow, rhythmic pulse, Ed had never felt so peaceful and so nervous at the same time.

Cody opened his eyes for a moment, to peer at Ed with stupidly blue eyes. “That can’t be comfortable, with your glasses on like that.”

Ed hummed. Cody was right. It wasn’t. But Ed was in a sort of trance; they didn’t want to stop listening to Cody’s heartbeat. They didn’t want it to peter out, while they weren’t paying attention. It was just too slow.

One of these days, Ed would ask Cody to listen out for their heartbeat, too.

[illgetthe]

I am curious what is that drawing of adult Ed is about.

I need to actually develop the story (in my head) to a better point before talking abt it properly ,, but long story short it's just doodles for my fantasy au for pnat ANd Ed I currently have as like, a play on the princess in the tower (since i made rj a dragon. because I thought that would be cool) trope/idea PLUS mad scientist (because of their parents.) But it's also an isekai au so part of those doodles are me working on ideas for how they'd look and what their life would be like before getting put in the fantasy world

Currently im thinking I might make them more isolated or lonely of a character and also might bring in some themes with exploring gender identity to reflect what's going on in the comic. Also deciding between different jobs, eg office work, newspaper, the people that give tours and protect forests that I forgot the name of...

I hope that sorta answers your ask? If there's a specific one of those doodles you're curious abt lmk. :D

[envythepalmtree]

My thoughts on 03 and CoS

When I started watching 03, I came in with really high expectations. And I loved it!! Especially the first half - I loved the melancholy tone, the way they fleshed out the FMA world. That being said I have Opinions™️ which also includes some criticisms, as usual. Hearing things about 03 out of context definitely colored my expectations and perception of it. This is partly about the writing of 03, but partly about my own experience watching it.

I’ve been meaning to write and post this for about a month, but only got around to it just now, lol. Spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen it.

What I liked

- The way it took the stuff from the manga and made a completely different story was AMAZING. Far after the storyline diverged, seeing influences from the mangahood storyline and how they were taken in a completely different direction was super cool.

- The tone!! 03 felt much more personal, much more melancholic. We really get to see how traumatic events like the fight with Barry the Chopper effect Edward, and we see that he’s really just a child. A child in the military. I know “03 shows Ed as a child soldier” has been talked about a lot and that aspect of 03 really lived up to what I heard about.

- I loved the fillers!! The adaptations of the bonus comics were delightful to watch and really fleshed out the Mustang squad in a way that Brotherhood didn’t. Roy quoting the Art of War during the Fullmetal vs Flame episode was super cool, ties well with my Xingese Roy headcanons, and I’ll probably write a whole meta on that later.

- Even though I have some beef with the ending, which I’ll get to in a bit, it felt really special to me, personally, to see the characters hopeful and happy even after going through so much loss. I really like the message that sometimes, we do fail. Sometimes, what we’re chasing after is never meant to be ours. But we can learn to get up, and keep going. We can let go of that lost heaven.

What I didn’t

- I heard the line “My sympathy will not be spent on soldiers” out of context. I guess I expected it to be some badass line from Scar about why his anger towards the Amestrian state is valid and not something he needs to apologize for.

- Instead, that line was delivered by Scar right before committing an atrocity - sacrificing a huge number of soldiers for a philosopher’s stone, and placing a huge burden on a 14 year old boy by making Al’s body that stone without his permission. And Scar, after all he’s been through, didn’t get a happy ending. It wasn’t some badass thing, it was painted as tragic. I was really disappointed about where that line ended up and I’ll probably write a whole separate post about the lost potential of that line.

- Ed’s admitting that he has racial bias didn’t live up to my expectations. One of my biggest criticisms of mangahood has been the narrative’s stance towards race: “I think we should ignore race and treat each other as equals!” A common response I got was, “03 doesn’t do that! They actually have Ed admit that he has racial bias!”

- When that scene actually happened, I was thinking, “is that it? Is there more?” And yes, much of that disappointment likely came from me setting way-too-high expectations for the race themes of a shonen anime from 2003. It was such a short moment and didn’t feel as climactic or important as it should have been.

- Roy Mustang. Roy Mustang. The narrative expects us to sympathize with him, to like him, but I found it very hard. In mangahood, Roy’s goal to become Fuhrer and change the country for the better, to help the Ishvalans and make sure that a genocide like that never happens again, is a huge part of the show. In 03, it’s hinted at. Roy talks about becoming Fuhrer in the miniskirt episode, and it’s hinted that he has good intentions and wants to help the Ishvalans. But it’s not considered important.

- And then he completely throws that away.

- Reading things from 03 out of context, I somehow got the impression that Roy was going to quit the military after realizing that he doesn’t want to work within the system anymore. And I was thinking “omg that’s so cool! 03 actually has Roy renounce his ambitions and leave the military, because it’s the best way to help the Ishvalans!”

- Nope. That coup he stages? It’s not out of anger at how the Amestrian state treats its people. It’s not to avenge Ishval. It’s to avenge Maes Hughes, Roy’s friend.

- Having Roy stay in the military, but give up his rank, almost feels like a halfway point between two good ideas: Climbing the ranks to change the country, or leaving because he doesn't want to uphold a corrupt system. Maybe they could've made it work, but I wish they grappled with the implications of that more.

- adklsfaksldfhjks I’m very angry about this and this probably also needs its own post.

- Things in the second half of the show just didn’t feel as fleshed out. In Mangahood we got some time to grapple with the fact that Amestris was created by Father to be sacrificed, to grapple with the implications of that. In 03, that revelation came so close to the end that we just didn’t have time. I was left with so many QUESTIONS about the worldbuilding and parts of the plot, especially after CoS, and they didn’t get answered. I feel like a lot of my problems with 03 would be solved if they added a few episodes. It’d give them time to slow down to add more details, or even just give us an episode or three of Backstory.

all my QUESTIONS:

- Details on Dante and Hohenheim controlling humanity behind the scenes?? They just. tell us that they destroyed entire civilizations like Xerxes.

- Where do Gluttony, Greed, etc come from? If they were created simply to serve Dante, does that mean they were all created after Hohenheim left her?

- Why was Greed imprisoned? Why does he refer to the other homunculi as his sworn enemies?

- Lust is described as the “third Lust.” Who were the other Lusts? Is each sin a position in Dante’s squad, a role that can be filled after the one holding it dies?

- Envy is 300 years old. What the hell were they doing for all that time? Much of their character is based off of resentment of Hohenheim for leaving them and Dante, but that happened extremely recently.

- Hohenheim mentions that alchemy is fueled by people’s deaths in the parallel world?? And it’s NEVER mentioned again??

- How does the portal work? Ed landed in 1910s London, then 1920s Germany. But the times match up in CoS, with the 2 year gap and everything.

- I didn’t understand where the opening flashback about the uranium bomb comes from. It’s implied that it happened in the time gap between Ed joining the military and the Liore arc, but iirc the guy with the bomb came from the other world. How did he get there? How come Ed and Al spend a couple years knowing that a parallel world exists but it’s never brought up?

- How did Ed meet Alfons and get involved in the rocket stuff?

- From one of the guys in the Thule society: “but Hohenheim’s sons are from Shamballa.” HOW DOES HE KNOW THAT?

aklsfhsdj that was long. Stay tuned for some more metas about 03, because your girl has Opinions.

[riisinaakka-draws]

part 2/6

2nd part of my old Black Sails scraps and doodles from 2016–2021. Not in any particular order.

This time the drawings are short comics that were abandoned for a reason or another, mostly because I lost the interest or felt like there was too much to redraw compared to the satisfaction of finishing something else more interesting. There’s also some talk about rigid mindset and how overthinking can lead to stagnation.

Contains early silverflint moments, specks of dust, rackham's glasses are found, jealous-Billy spying, desk-Flint gets caught, "squint-squint", a quiet moment and its bird dilemma etc.

And please do not steal and repost elsewhere. But if you do get inspired, feel free to make your own interpretations!

Long-ish post under the cut!

“What are you thinking about?”

“Specks of dust.”

“Liar.”

The idea was to show how much they and their relationship had changed. This was around 2016 when the season 3 began and I was still re-learning to draw with a tablet. Another art from the same time period (and idea) is this art: The Dynamic Duet. 

And for some reason I was really stuck up thinking that I’d have to first do the sketch, then the clean line art, then planes underneath, then shadows etc. and I have always struggled with that kind of approach! Mainly because I hate doing clean line work, lol. And I was a fool for trying to start with a white canvas! It’s so much harder to find values and plan things, or at least in my opinion..

“Rackham’s glasses are found”

To celebrate their new pirate alliance, they share the four lenses of Rackham’s sunglasses as they were also found at the time (because I wanted it to resurface and they could be made into jewellery you know...). This was right after the episode where Anne fights and hurts her hands (here wearing protecting mittens from Max even though she’s not trusted at the moment). Uh, this doesn’t spark joy interest me much and it’s quite stiff and would recuire a lot of redrawing faces, so - discarded!  

I somewhat like the idea still (them having something to share, although it’s on Jack’s detriment). I tried to find a stylished comical easier doodlier? way to draw them and draw clean lines etc, but it just wasn’t for me. Also here too, the background is blank and too bright. Later I started to think things as scenes and draw everything at the same time instead of adding the bg later or trying to show everything (and everyone) at the same time.

Here’s also Billy in the same story:

He’s spying on them and since it’s so bright he’s wearing his diy “sunglasses” and being envious to the others. *cough* uhhh...Idk? Also people were shipping Ben Gunn (and cheese) with Billy, so that bled into this too... Charles’ spirit is riding the “big white bird” that was mentioned in Teach’ story and in this case it’s a pelican.

As you can see, I also wasn’t using the brushes that I use nowadays. A hard (or soft) round brushes with no change in opacity just aren’t for me. For example, in traditional art, I struggle with markers and copics, but really enjoy charcoals and watercolours. I prefer ragged edges, layering and thus blending things into each other (and leaving the viewer to fill in the gaps) instead of having stark or definite things. I also struggle with vector drawings, although I have decided to finally start learning to use them...somedayyyy.

Also, I wasn’t paying attention to anatomy, like, at all LMAO. I was just so happy to be able to put something on the canvas.

This is one of my first ink drawings, but I cannot find the original anymore. Again, I like the idea, but not how things look art-wise. And I was so adamant, that I have to get everything right in the traditional drawing and not fix anything later on on photoshop because then it would be cheating. And thus, I was never able to move on or finish this properly the way I liked it (idiot).

BUT! It was a good practise to just draw and test things on paper and gain confidense on drawing things in overall (as I was still getting back into art). To get over the fear of blank paper you know, and try to find my style whatever it would start to form into.

Oh, yeah, Desk Flint.

Desk Flint was a thing for a while (still is, lol). Another drawing from that time is this Slingshot Pirate (2016). And Desk Flint keeps repeating in many later works too. The point is mainly “Flint sitting behind his desk and people interrupt him and I don’t have to draw him fully”

Well, anyway... moving on.

Here’s a plan that has been stuck for years. It’s name is “Squint-squint.” Left is the sketch (with another sketch underneath because the expressions were clearer in the old one). On the right is the continued piece with colour scheme but I cropped the eyes panel and faces out (it was so ugly for some reason) but if I ever continue/finish this, it will be redrawn there in the middle.)

Left. “On that moment their eyes were literally open(ed).”

Right. “After squinting on the shore for days, they had actually forgotten how pretty the other idiot’s eyes were.”

I still like it, quite a lot, but my perfectionist ass only sees too much “boring” things to draw and get right, so it hasn’t been a priority for a long time and other works have kept me occupied and more interested in them.

--------------------

“Quiet Moment.” 2018 (a wordless comic happening after the events of Charles Town)

I’m going to explain after these pictures, but see how big the difference is when you start to look at references and plan things together (the space, “camera” movement, background etc). I also started to colour with coarser brushes:

I drew this around early 2018. A lot of improvement! Still quite a lot of negative space (empty white backgrounds), but it fits this work. A few things tell where we are (the ship’s cabin and the balcony). Changing distances and how things are cropped/framed make things more moving and focused (and less to draw, lol). Colours and brush strokes are softer, more layered and so on.

But guess why it’s still a wip!

I couldn’t decide what bird is flying over there.

Yeap! At first it was an albatross (doesn’t go to Bahamas?). Then a seagull (but which seagull? there’s so many subspecies! Is the ship at sea or at the harbour? what birds are there on the open water/ close to the shore?? oh noo...) So, yeah, wayyyy too much over-thinking.

At some point I ended up with white-tailed-tropic-bird which was a plus! because it sounds like the bosun’s whistle, but at that point I was so tangled and frustrated and still had so much to finish with this that I left it be. Also Flint’s face looks different in every frame so I would’ve had to change some parts, lol. And then I forgot it for a couple of years! And then I had learned to draw a bit differently and again saw too much things to do, so it’s quite hard to take on this again, especially when there are so many other interesting wips waiting...

But I still really like the feeling of it! And the colour scheme. So I might just limit the things I’m allowed to fix and then post it as it own someday. I mean, it’s 90% finished, but the last reach just feels like miles.

And that’s what usually happens with my wips. They reach a certain point and it suddenly becomes really hard to finish or get back into.

But every time I learn things and then use the information in another work! :D

Final note for this post (altough this has been said hundreds of times): use references and look how things go and try to see the structure and form beneath things. And think where it is happening and how the light and surroundings affects the characters and/or spaces. And maybe think what you’re trying to convey with the art, what idea? what emotions? what purpose? or like, what are you trying to learn with the piece? and so on...

Thanks for checking this out, I hope you had fun <3

[tempural]

FIRST SET OF GORL SCOUTS FOR GORL SCOUT DAY!!  My latest drawing of Liv, and some of the first ones!

An essay under the cut:

The current state of my girl Scout has taken many years to simmer.  Before becoming invested in Liv, I was unfortunately struggling to write girl characters.  The media I consumed as a kid informed my storytelling vocabulary, and I must admit that much of the stories I consumed as a babby excluded girl characters.  Ed Edd n Eddy, BatMAN, SpiderMAN, x-MEN, hell, video games like TF2 have ONLY male classes!  The only female characters in TF2 are Scout's voiceless/faceless mom, the late addition of Pauling, and the Admin's disembodied voice.  Mainstream media tends to feed us men as the default/leading characters with so many varying designs and personalities.  Women are rarely written with much depth in comparison, and rarely have designs that go beyond ‘cute/hot girl’ or ‘hag’.  I recall reading writing advice for men that suggested that if one was having trouble writing women, they should think of her as a male character.  It’s a little silly how mainstream media tends to think of female characters as “the other”, barely humans!

Female characters that fall under the “schoolgirl” trope often exist just to be fragile babies or objects of sexual desire (or both at the same time!), and are rarely written with complex wants or sexual autonomy.  See: the Aerosmith video “Crazy” where Liv Tyler (the song singer’s at-the-time 17 year old daughter) plays a schoolgirl, gets upskirted, is ogled by a gas station attendant, pole-dances, has a lil’ pillowfight with her friend, and strips naked for skinny-dipping.  There’s nothing inherently seedy about the video’s subject.  Of course teenagers go on road trips and do “crazy” things!  But I find it extremely repetitive and boring to constantly regurgitate the sexy schoolgirl trope in which men (both the director, viewers, and characters in the video) are openly lusting after young girls.  

Even media that seeks to subvert that trope still play more on the lust of men rather than the desires of girls.  See: Hard Candy.  Elliot Page plays a 14 year old girl who lures child predators by playing on the innocent schoolgirl trope, then plays up the sexy schoolgirl trope to trap them into torture and murder.  In this case the girl is “in control” -- yet she isn’t.  Her personal wants are dictated by the desires of men, and the entire concept is predicated on the girl posturing as prey for sexual predators..  I really enjoy the movie, but it’s a very straightforward take and something in me wants a little bit more twists and turns.  There just doesn’t seem to be a world, even in media fantasy, where girls have desires but are not the object of desire.

The earliest form of a girl Scout/Liv that I have are these designs for what I labeled as the “Japanese Groupie” from 2013.  It plays upon the same concept as Hard Candy although I hadn’t seen the movie yet at the time:  She lures in sexual predators, and chops off their peepees.  She’s mistaken as a child, though she’s actually 35, and plays up her short stature and babyface for her trap.  She’s also mistaken as Japanese, although she’s Chinese, and she also plays that up because westerners are more enamoured with Japanese pop culture.  I still think the concept is fine, but too much impetus for the story is given to the predators, and too much of it plays on the viewer being aware of the identity stereotypes (while people still lack self-awareness in real life: people still mistake me for a child, or mistake me as Japanese)!  Not enough story is moved by the girl!  I want MORE.

The Scout-Chan SFM is the greatest piece of art in the history of TF2.  When I re-engaged with the game in 2018, I was SHAKEN when I discovered it, and had to tell everyone I knew about it!!  This is the POV I’m talking about, lads and ladettes!  I was enamoured!!  The SFM perfectly captured what I liked about the Scout and Spy dynamic!  Scout has a crush on Spy, and Spy doesn’t do anything about it (but helps Scout fight crime at night?!!).  I love the Sukeban Boy design design for Scout, the whole pun with Sailor Scouts is fun, and I grew up with Sailor Moon so it hit my nostalgia prostate button real good.  Most importantly for me, the SFM never shows Scout and Spy in a ”relationship”.  They remain distant, but close.  I love that.

I had to spread the word of Scout-Chan the only way I knew how.  I drew a couple of comics and sketches inspired by the SFM!  But they were obviously tinged with my own tastes and perhaps experiences.

My ideas got very off-topic from the original zombie-slayer Scout-Chan, and I wanted to make my own Scout that was a girl.  On the way, I drew variations that became other girl Scouts with their own personalities (but always the same face and body!  My Scouts are infinite, indistinguishable, and disposable!).  I eventually settled on basically the same outfit as my boy Scout, Ollie, with a ponytail that was in between the hairstyle of my 2013 dickchopper OC and Scout-chan.  She was to be named Liv, partially because it’s a feminine form of the name Oliver, and partially because of the aforementioned Liv Tyler moment.  There’s some interplay with how strange it is for Steven Tyler to cast his own daughter as a sexy model, and how many people compare the Scout and Spy relationship to a fatherly one, with all of that being tossed into a dumpster fire and coming out as a reversal of older-creepy-man into younger-girl-who-creeps-on-her-mentor-figure.

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

Only Mine Pt. 4

A/N: So this is basically a series at this point but I’m kind of in love with this idea I’ve created of a pop star reader and MCR Gerard? I don’t know it’s interesting. Also, if you haven’t figured this out yet, the reader is based heavily off of Taylor Swift. Not looks or anything but her career. But instead of country star turned pop star (now turned folk artist), it’s rock band lead singer turned pop star. So yeah. Pairing: F!Pop Star reader x Gerard Way Word count: 1,983 Warnings: Mention of eating disorder, I think that’s all.

Most interviews did not excite you in any way, shape, or form. The idea of sitting down and answering consistent questions, some bland, some too personal, and even some misogynistic was exhausting. But when you were offered a complete 25 minute feature on you and your life from 60 Minutes, you gladly accepted the offer.

Sitting down in your large, open living room now filled with lights and camera crew as well as the reporter, you introduced yourself and the interview began. Initially the questions were primarily about your upbringing, how you started in music, all the usual stuff. But as the interview continued, the questions got more and more complex, and more and more personal.

“Your album, My Midnight Boy, blew up, you won award after award, went on a world tour,” The interviewer began her question, her soft nature making you more comfortable, “You’ve mentioned before that there have been both positive and negative effects to the response of the album. You’ve talked about the positive, but what about the negative?” She asked with a slight smile, as if tying to both apologize and make you more comfortable with the question. You took a deep breath and a light laugh.

“Yeah, I mean, I will be eternally grateful for the opportunity that album has given me, and will continue to give me,” You began, “But the amount of fame and spotlight it gave me also comes in a negative sense. There’s been a lot of rumors that have started, and tabloids that seem to consistently try and build a narrative of my life that just isn’t true.” You continued, “And it gets more difficult when they begin targeting people in your life, besides yourself. You try to build a shield around those people, but they’re inevitably going to see what’s happening and the lies being thrown around about you and them.” “Who are you talking about, in specific?” She asked next.

“Well,” You took a deep breath, “It’s primarily my husband. Which is extremely ironic considering this entire album is abut him. There’s this tendency some people get when they see my personal life to attack it using my work as their weapon. So there’s been this rumor around for years, since the album was released, about Gerard getting married to me to use me for my money and fame, which is completely and utterly not true.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because he would have left me during my worse and darkest days if he didn’t love me for who I am.” She hummed and nodded.

“And what were those days?” “Um,” You took a deep swallow, “I went through an extremely rough eating disorder a few years back. And I didn’t really know, or understand how bad it was until there were people who chose to intervene. And he was one of those people.”

“Speaking of your husband, you and him have been open about your relationship when compared to many other public figures in your same positions, which has led to many people to comment on it. What do you have to say to that?” She continued the topic of Gerard, sensing the uncomfortability of the last question and answer.

“That his and my relationship is not up for discussion,” You began, “We’ve been together for over five years now, we’ve gotten what feels like an endless stream of bad press and rumors, even from the beginning with a five year age gap, and now, somehow, our relationship exploded into somehow being infested by the world.”

“Is that why you and he are so private now?” “It was a mixture of that, and for our careers as well. Both him and I are constantly touring, or making music for our own projects, and we don’t get many intimate moments together. So when we do get those close moments, where it’s just him and I, we like to spend them with just each other, the two of us.”

“You and he have been an interesting couple, but fans seem to love you together,” She began, “There’s been common discussion about the two of you being so different. Gerard looks like this rebellious bad boy, and you’re an innocent good girl. Does that fit into your everyday life?” You lightly smiled knowing she was right, you and Gerard were opposite.

“Kind of, but not really,” You began with a laugh, “We’re similar in a thousand different ways as well. I think there’s a very common misconception among everyone in the music industry, that the image created by your work and by your stage persona is you in real life. And to an extent that’s accurate, but it’s also not. I don’t wear crop tops and short skirts, or sparkly body suits and dresses like I do on stage everyday in my normal life. So while both of us are different in many ways, such as our art and how we dress, our personalities are extremely similar. We’re both nerds about comics, we both love to read, we love to do a lot. So our careers are drastically different, but us as people, we’re very similar.”

“You’ve mentioned before that you’ve wanted to be a mom, start a family quite frequently.” You smiled and nodded, “Would you and Gerard still do that? Even after all the fame?” “I think so, yeah.” You began, “We’ve discussed the idea of having a family, of being parents a lot, and both of us are on the same page. We want to have kids, we want to have a family and raise one of our own. But we need the right time and ability to do so. We will both refuse to take a child into our world of chaos without knowing a way to remove them from that chaos, completely. And having them not be involved or in the public eye at all.” You explained.

“And I think in the future that’s going to require both of us to take breaks from our public personas, and our public lives, and focus solely on our private life for at least two to three years. At least to a point where we feel comfortable enough to say, ‘Okay, we’ve retracted our child from any chance of being targeted by anyone in the world who we don’t want them to see. Now let’s re-emerge ourselves, but only to the extent that we can be sure that our child will have two supporting parents, both of whom can properly care for them.’” She hummed with a light smile again, nodding.

“Now, there have been numerous ideas surrounding your previous project, Suggestions From Thursday, which was the band you started in and your only other project aside from your solo career.” You nervously nodded as the interviewer continued asking her question, “When you decided to release your first solo project, the band broke up. Is there any bad blood between the four of you?” “Um,” You nervously played with your fingers trying to create a fast and satisfactory answer that you wouldn’t regret later, “I would hope not. I haven’t really talked to the guys since the split happened. But I would hope there’s a mutual respect between everyone in the situation for both us as people and our history together.”

The interview wrapped up relatively quickly, the reporter was actually very nice and respectful. Her smooth and pleasant tone of voice, plus easy going vibe made you feel very open to talk, and pressured in no way. You knew the intention of 60 Minutes interviews was not to insult the person, but to explain and elaborate on who they really are, which you were more than happy to do.

Once the interview concluded and the camera crew had finished cleaning up your living room, you said goodbye, closing the door and taking a sigh of relief. While you enjoyed the interview and liked how no questions were asked as if to imply an answer, they were still exhausting. You went upstairs, running yourself a bath despite the fact it was 4 pm. And pouring yourself a glass of wine with that.

You were in the tub for a good hour before the water got too cold, getting out to change into an oversize sweatshirt and short pajama shorts. Gerard would be home in only a few hours and would be the only one to see you, so it was’t like it mattered what you wear.

You walked down stairs beginning to cook dinner, a good way to calm yourself down. You began reflecting on the interview, now partially freaking out over whether anything you said could or would be used against you. Yes, 60 Minutes was always pretty unbiased and tried their best to promote everyone who wasn’t actually bad, which you thought you were, but still. The PTSD from previous bad articles about you was slowly building up.

You were chopping some vegetables when you heard Gerard come in, kicking off his tennis shoes and walking into the large, modern kitchen where you were. He kissed your shoulder, giving you a hug from behind. “Hey babe.” You lightly smiled feeling his warmth.

“Hey,” He responded, still hugging you, “How did the interview go.” “Good,” You sighed, “Difficult, and personal, but good.”

“Personal?” He asked next, grabbing some water from your fridge, “What did they ask about?” “Typical things. How I grew up and got here, which grew into you and I, which went into even more personal stuff.” He rose an eyebrow at you taking a sip from his glass, as you sighed in defeat. “Well some of it was about my ED, but they asked me about kids too.” You mentioned.

“Oh?” He inquired again, “And how did you respond?” “With the truth,” You looked over at him from where you were previously invested in your cooking activities, “That you and I want a family one day, but only when we feel it best fit.”

“We could start right now.” He smirked and you scoffed.

“C’mon Gee, for real?” You whined. He sighed in defeat, walking over and giving you a hug.

“Fine, fine, I was just trying to cheer you up.” “I know.” You whispered, your head comfortably in the crook of his neck. “Maybe we should get a dog first.” You said.

“A dog?” He asked and lightly laughed, “We could.”

“Like as a test subject, to see how we would be as parents.” He lightly laughed, kissing the top of your head.

“Mkay babe, you go with that.” He let go of you, looking over at the food you has just started. AKA the chopped vegetables. “Let’s get takeout, sweetheart. You’ve had a long day.” “But-” You tried to protest “No buts.” He insisted. “I need you to not worry and do nothing right now. Other than sit down with me, and watch something.”

The two of you were placed on your huge couch, which could have easily fit eight people, your legs draped over Gerard’s as his arm tightly wrapped around your back, head on his shoulder. He had pulled a blanket over the two of you as you indulged in burgers messily, catching up on a show. 

All day you had been heavily reflecting on a lot of what the interview was about. What hit so close was the idea that Gerard was going to corrupt you in a way, a common rumor that had been passed around tabloids and gossip sites dozens of times. You had never truly addressed the rumors, not even in the interview today. But as you mindlessly observed the scenes scanning the TV screen, you got an idea. A brilliant idea at that.

Swinging your legs onto the floor, you got up with haste, beginning to march out of the room. “Where’re you going?” Gerard asked, a confused look on his face.

“To write an album.”

[weareloserstogether]

I uh couldn’t stop thinking about this

I re-blogged a post a while ago that gave me a soulmate idea and i just couldn’t stop thinking so here’s a very short and kinda skippy one shot i had to make with the idea (it is quite skippy but i made it in like a day, might make a more detailed version of this on a later date with more characters and such)

Eddie was in his room, staring at the ceiling of his room as he twirled the unmagnetized half-circle of steel between his fingers. Eddie could hear his mom in the area below his haven, listening to the TV and most likely asleep in her lazy boy.

Eddie always wondered who his soulmate was, who would hold his hand and make his half-circle magnetize. He took a look at his bracelet before letting it fall with a sigh. He was already 16 years old and hadn't found the one met for him yet, and it weighed down on him.

After a few thoughts, Eddie let himself fall asleep with the same uneasy feeling that he had every night.

--

The next morning he woke up and started his same routine. He started with a shower, washing his hair with both shampoo and conditioner and stepping out once he was clean. He would stand in front of his mirror and look at his body to make sure he was staying a good weight. Once Eddie was done, he kissed his bracelet and hoped for a good day.  

Eddie dried his hair, pushing his fingers through his hair to get the right style for the day, combing it and re-styling it again. Before putting on his clothes, which were just his usual Tee and shorts. 

Eddie took one last glance at himself before heading out of the bathroom towards the bottom floor. His mother had made the food for him and set it on the table, but she was nowhere to be seen. Eddie assumed she was already sitting in her chair, seated in front of the TV, and he would be correct. "Morning, Mommy" He smiled to his mother, and she nodded back with a similar smile, "good morning, Eddiebear; how was your sleep, sweetie?" Eddie shrugged to this but decided not to say anything about it. His mother nodded and kept the same smile plastered on her face.

This conversation went on for a little before she insisted Eddie eat before school. Eddie had given her a slight nod as he began eating half the food off his plate. Once the 5’ something boy finished eating that half of the food his mother had prepared for him, he began to leave the house with his small backpack that slung around his shoulders effortlessly. Eddie got about 20 steps from his home before getting bumped into by some fucking asshole who wasn’t looking where he was going “Fucking watch it!” Eddie yelled out without thinking, wanting to hide in a hole afterwards since he knew he could easily get beat up by anyone who came across him. Eddie fought the fear and looked up to the other that had bumped into him in the first place, immediately knowing who it was that decided to talk “shit man, sorry. You alright?” It was that fucking Trashmouth that many people had hated back in elementary (Except those two kids named Stan and Bill that seemed to enjoy him quite a bit despite his non-stop talking) Eddie nodded and looked at the hand that the male in front of him outstretched to him. This person didn’t seem to wear his bracelet. It was odd to him, but he didn’t see the need to think about it “are… you sure? You’ve been staring at my hand for a good little bit there,” Trashmouth spoke with a chuckled. “Yeah… yeah, I’m fine” he nodded and grabbed his hand, almost immediately hoisted up to his feet by the relatively taller male. Eddie was quite astonished by the strength of a teenager who was only a year older than him. The Trashmouth that stood in front of him was quite good looking, Eddie had thought to himself as he glanced up and down the form of him. When they were younger, Eddie had seen him messing around, and it always caught his eyes, but he was never allowed to hang out with those ‘rowdy kids that’ll get you hurt Eddiebear’ hearing his moms’ words in his head made him feel weird. He admired the way Richie seemed careless, and like all the world, just rotated around him. Eddie was pulled out of his state when Richie petted his hair and smiled, “I’ll be careful not to bump into you next time, Eddie?” Eddie nodded to this, which caused Richie to smile “right, well, See ya, Eds!” he waved and walked away with a bright hop in each step he took

Stan and Bill, who had been smiling the whole time and looking as if there was a joke somewhere in the words Eddie and Richie were sharing that Eddie wasn’t getting, were pushing Richie along and brightly laughing, knowing some Eddie didn’t. Richie looked back at him with a soft smile, almost like he didn’t want to stop looking at Eddie. Eddie shook these thoughts and sighed, ‘There’s no way Richie, the loudest and irritating kid in school, would linger on Eddie of all people.’ 

These words that Eddie told himself were far from the truth, which he would soon find out. See, Richie had been lingering on Eddie probably his whole life. Still, he thought that Eddie would never want to talk to a Trashmouth like him, so he just watched from afar until this day and damn...now that Richie had a taste of talking to this sweet boy, The Trashmouth would damn himself to hell if he didn’t continue. 

Even though Eddie thought that Richie would never like him, he wanted more than anything to check if his bracelet had magnetized from their hands, closing contact with each other. Eddie finally got his thoughts out of his head and grabbed his things, walking to the school that he now had another reason for liking.

That day had started an event that happened every single day before school, and then during school and slowly every minute of the day that Eddie was free, Richie was there.

They became best friends, inseparable. Eddie was brought into Richies’ group and loved every second of being there. Today was the middle of summer, and Richie brought Eddie to get some ice cream, and Eddie finally brought it up. “Hey...Richie, why don’t you wear your bracelet?” He asked, lifting his ice cream cone and pointing to the bracelet, that slid a bit down his arm from the movement, with the other hand. Richie looked down at this and shrugged, “I don’t think it has much of a purpose, plus what if my soulmate isn’t the one I love now? Do I have to wait and go through not being with the one I want?” He asked questions that Eddie hadn’t thought about before, “I guess you’re right, though I’d like to know the person I love will be with me for our lifetime,” Richie nodded, understanding what he meant. Eddie had been thinking about if Richie was meant to be his soulmate for a long time now, but since Richie didn’t wear his bracelet...he wouldn’t know ever. Richie saw the look on Eddies’ face and sighed, “I can wear it tomorrow if you like? Maybe we are soulmates, Eddie Spaghetti” Richie spoke with a smirk on his face that Eddie kinda loved, but he glared at him “yeah, right, that’s fucking stupid.” Eddie licked his ice cream, secretly enjoying the idea of holding the others hand and their magnets clicking together. Richie chuckled and again had the idea that if they didn’t click, he would officially stop looking for a good and stay with Eddie because he finally knew that Richie loved him, and he really couldn’t give a fuck.

The rest of the day, they were together was filled with banter and just all-around fun times that Eddie would look back on and smile to himself while trying to fall asleep.

Once Richie had let the other back to his house at curfew, Richie sighed, “I was serious earlier, Eddie” He looked at him and smiled softly, waving and walking home, leaving Eddie to wonder what he was serious about all night long.

It had been two months since then, and neither of has had mentioned that day again, Richie was too scared to find out the truth, so he just kept his bracelet in his room, in the drawer that it had been in since the beginning of middle school. Though today was the day before school would start and Richie decided he should find out. He already got dressed and tried to brush out his hair today, though it didn’t quite work. He deep dived in his sock drawer and pulling out the fucking bracelet that he had wished didn’t exist for years. Richie put it on the wrist; he would always hold Eddies’ hand with if he ever fell or wanted contact. He put it under his sleeve so no one would see it and walked out of his room for the day, anxiety whirring through his stomach, making him want to puke and stay home today, but he knew Eddie wouldn’t want to be with him if he wasn’t his soulmate.

------

For the last day, all the Losers were meeting in the clubhouse out in the woods. Some additions were made to it since Eddie had joined like beanbag chairs, new lighting fixtures and some end tables that were used for things like an ashtray and a lamp that was never on, only put there for design. 

Bev and Richie just got back from smoking, and all Richie could think about was the bracelet that wrapped around his elbow from the sleeve, moving it up more and more as the day went on. Richie had told Bev his plan, and her reaction to that was getting quite excited and chanting random old elementary songs that were written from the idea of the bracelet. Richie’s eyes planted on Eddie, sitting in the hammock with a comic in his hands that Richie had been reading the day before. Richie sighed and walked up to Eddie, leaning against the post “let me in” He stretched the side of the hammock and Eddie got scared by this at first but chuckled and nodded “I’m not stopping you, Richie.” Richie got into the hammock without a second thought, not without trouble, of course, but he didn’t mind that. Richie just sat and grabbed a comic. Richies’ legs were quite long actually; they reached Eddies’ shoulders when lying on the hammock, so he liked to get in without shoes and put them under the younger boys back. The time went by past, and Richie hadn’t touched Eddie’s hand the whole day, he was scared. 

Most of the losers had left, leaving only Mike, Bev, and Ben in the clubhouse with the two boys lounging on the hammock. Bev finally got up and smiled, “alright! I’ve got to go home, and Mike is the only one with a car, so let’s go” Bev reached out her hand to Ben, and when Ben took her hand, their magnets connected. They had found out they were soulmates since the two met, and they truly loved each other, it was amazing to see. Unlike them, Mike had been actively avoiding the group leaders, Bill,  hand since he was brought into the group since he was scared they weren’t meant to be, but maybe if Riche and Eddie were meant for each other, he would try. Bev had pushed the two out of the clubhouse, earning a little pout from Eddie and a slight nervous stare from Richie. Bev winked to Richie and waved, “bye, boys!”

Once the hatch of the clubhouse closed, the room filled with silence. A thick, dense thing that would only leave if Richie spoke, so he did, “Do you have your bracelet on today?” Richie asked, knowing the answer, Eddie never too it off “Yeah. why?” He asked, and Richie shook his head, “can...can, I see?” He asked, hoping that if this didn’t work, Eddie wouldn’t realize. So, Richie reached out. He started with taking his small finger in his hand, and slowly he passed his hand, grabbing the bracelet and bringing his write towards himself. Eddie looked confused but leaned towards him. Richie knew that it would only magnetize the half circles when they held hands entirely, but Richie wanted to make it an intimate moment. Once Eddie was leaned up and just staring at Richie, he started talking, asking him why he was doing this with small laughs. Richie then moved his hand down, caressing his hand to his own and intertwining their hands together, and that’s when he felt it, a surge of energy, something that he knew Eddie felt just by looking into his eyes. Before Richie could speak, the bracelet travelled down his arm, connecting his magnet to Eddies, creating a full circle of intricate designs that describes their own personalities “fuck…” Richie trailed off, and neither of them knew what to say, but Richie smiled. This was the moment he had wanted for years, and that only grew as they got to know each other. 

Eddie didn’t believe what was happening. Their circles were connected, held tight to each other, “Richie...are we?” He asked in a hopeful voice, Richie not speaking for a moment before nodding. A huge smile broke out onto his face “yeah” They both smiled to each other in disbelief, and Eddie finally made a move to hug Richie, laying his body between his legs and wrapping his arms around his waist and snuggling in close. Richie chuckled, “Jesus Eds; you can’t be this cute” Eddie looked up at him and laughed before adding a pout to his face which was cracking due to the urge to laugh and smile. 

Richie smiled down at him. He kept their hands together, taking his other hand and lifting his face to his own and planting a kiss to the other’s lips leaving Eddie to kiss back if he pleased, which he did. They stayed like that for hours, talking and laughing, not caring about the time.

The next day they went to school hand in hand, their magnets attached, walking to the Losers and smiling, Richie making it quite apparent by holding their hands up. The group smiled ever bright and congratulated them, bringing them both into tight hugs, the whole time keeping their hand interlocked, sharing looks that could only be described as love.

[moonfirerainbow]

how about 34 for reddie! it sounds really intimate/romantic

This only took 30 years but here it is.  It’s not how I wanted it to be at all but it’s something?  Right?  Yeah??  I hope you like it.  

#34 kiss prompts:  Kisses that start on their fingers and run up their arm, eventually ending on their lips.

Pairing: Reddie

Rating: Mature

_____

Eddie is sprawled out on the floor of Richie’s bedroom, feet up on the dresser and eyes on the TV set on top, where The Lost Boys is playing, volume low.  The cover for the video is nearby, torn on the edges from overuse and years of being shoved in Richie’s backpack and carried to sleepovers at Bill’s.  They’ve watched this movie hundreds of times, and they’ll watch it hundreds more, because Richie just can’t get enough of it. 

Speaking of- Richie is right beside Eddie, mouthing the lines and tapping his long fingers against his knees, his voice a low, familiar sound that makes Eddie smile.  It’s late, the clock on the desk reflecting a neon green twelve-zero-seven in the dark of the room, but Eddie isn’t sleepy.  He never gets sleepy when he stays over at Richie’s.  Not since the first time when they were ten, and Eddie pulled his first all-nighter, playing video games and reading comics, cracking up over funny expressions on their favorite characters. 

“My own brother, a God damned shit sucking vampire!”  Richie’s brows move up his forehead as he speaks, the light from the screen reflecting off his glasses.  Richie chuckles, bumping Eddie’s shoulder with his.  “This movie sucks so much.”  

Eddie snorts, shoving at Richie’s knee with his foot.  “You love it.”  

“Nah.”  

“Fucking liar.”  

“It’s funny,” Richie says, rolling on his side and facing Eddie.  He narrows his eyes in a dramatic glare.  “Careful, Eds.  I’m a shit sucking vampire.”  

Reaching out, Eddie shoves Richie’s face away, laughing when Richie falls back into their piled blankets and pillows.  “You’re just a shit sucker.”  

Richie gets up and to his feet.  “Jaysus.  You’re after my throat tonight, huh?”  

“You deserve it,” Eddie quips, no longer paying attention to Richie as he heads over to his messy closet.  

Eddie sighs, stretching his toes out as he stares off, not watching the screen anymore.  They start college in a month, and though they’re both headed to Boston-- along with Bill, Ben, and Mike-- Eddie dreads the end of these easy, wonderful nights.  The end of spending so much time together, of sharing everything in their lives that they can call their own.  Like Richie’s sweaters, that Eddie always ends up wearing when he’s cold.  And Eddie’s softest pillow, that he gives to Richie whenever he sneaks over to Eddie’s in the middle of the night, to squeeze and hold as he falls asleep to nightmares.  

Eddie is startled out of his thoughts by Richie settling down beside him, looking much more comfortable in a tee and shorts.  “What’s that look for?” he asks, leaning down and peering into Eddie’s eyes.  “You’re making your grumpy face.”  

“I’m fine,” Eddie says, forcing his eyes away from Richie’s blue, blue stare.  “Just kinda tired.” 

“Then go to sleep, dumbass.”  

“I could if you’d shut the fuck up.”

Smirking, Richie falls back, dark hair curled over the pillows, the screen light bouncing off his glasses again.  “You’re not tired.  Who is the fucking liar now, huh?”  

Eddie can’t help the smile that curls over his lips, even though he’s trying to force his mouth into a thin line.  “I’m not lying, asshole.”

“Yes you are!” Pushing up on his elbow, Richie pokes Eddie’s side with his free hand.  “Like I don’t know you?  You get all cuddly when you’re about to pass out.  Trying to spoon me.”  

Cuddly.  Something in Eddie’s stomach twists at the way the word leaves Richie’s mouth.  The same thing that always reacts to the unexpected ways Richie shows he pays attention.  “I’m not cuddly,” Eddie says, failing to keep a straight face.  “Shut up and watch your movie.”  

Richie chuckles.  “You’re caught.”  

“Shh.  The movie.”  

“You’re a big time cuddler.”  

“And you’re a big time moron.”  

“So mean,” Richie says, then pokes Eddie’s side again.  “Don’t be a dick.” 

Eddie shoves at Richie’s face again, but Richie catches his hand that time, brings it to his mouth.  Eddie’s chest goes tight at the warm breath brushing over his skin.  Until Richie smirks, cocks one brow, then bites the pad of Eddie’s middle finger. 

“Ow.  What the fuck?”  Eddie pulls his hand away, glaring.  “What’s wrong with you?” 

Richie’s grin is wide, a little crooked, like the angle that his glasses are sitting on his nose.  “I’m a shit sucking vampire.”  

Rolling his eyes, Eddie considers kicking him in the head.  Or the balls.  “Then suck on yourself!”  

Cackling, Richie spreads his legs out in front of him, then bends down toward his lap.  His voice is strained as he bobs his head a few times and says, “Nah.  Can’t do it.  You’ll have to do it for me.”  

Eddie kicks him in the thigh, cheeks hot and ears burning.  “Suck a fat one.”  

“I would, but your mom-” 

Eddie swings the pillow at him, catching Richie right in the face, almost knocking his glasses off.  “Shut up.”  

Richie’s unfazed, falling back into the blankets and laughing hard.  Loud enough to wake his mom and dad.  “You’re so mad!  Why are you mad?”  

“Cause you’re talking about my mom!”  

“I always talk about fucking your mom.  What’s the big deal?” 

Eddie’s not even sure why he’s mad, so he doesn’t bother answering.  Face flushing deep.  Embarrassed.  He just crawls under the thin sheet he stole from Richie’s bed, pulling it up over his head.  Fucking jerk.   

“What are you doing?” Richie says, tugging on the sheet.  “Are you hiding?”  

“Going to sleep.”  

“It’s like, only a little after midnight.”  

“Goodnight, Dick.”  

“Okay, okay.”  Richie reaches out, fingers sneaking under the sheet to take Eddie’s hand in his again.  “I’m sorry.  Forgive me, Eddie my love?”  

Eddie sighs, deflated, and kicks the sheet away.  “It’s fine.  Just.  I’m tired.  Ok?  I’m gonna sleep.”  

Richie is quiet for a moment, eyes big and deep and so blue. “Hmm okay,” he says, but he squints, and Eddie knows he isn’t buying it.  “I don’t think you’re tired at all.”

“Don’t think too hard there, Rich.”  

Richie goes on, ignoring Eddie’s insult.  “You’re embarrassed.”  

This trips Eddie up, makes him stop before he can spit out another comeback.  Yeah, he’s embarrassed, but Richie’s never called him out on it before.  “And why would I be embarrassed?”  

“No idea, but you’re face is all red like you are.” 

Eddie looks away, withering under Richie’s stare.  “I’m not.  I’m mad that you bit me.  Like, who does that?”  

“I’m sorry,” Richie mumbles, then he pulls Eddie’s hand up to his mouth again.  “Okay?” He breathes out, and presses his lips to the soft pad of Eddie’s finger.  

Eddie inhales, just sharp enough for Richie to notice, and it should end there, but Richie pauses instead of moving away.  Long enough for their eyes to meet in the glow from the TV.  It’s one of those weird little moments, where Eddie isn’t sure what’s about to happen, but the air is charged around them, a sudden change.  

Richie goes on, breath hot and damp on Eddie’s palm, warm mouth dragging over Eddie’s dry skin.  And higher, to press a kiss to the inside of Eddie’s wrist.  Slow.  Hesitant.  Eddie’s heart jumps hard in his chest, every spot Richie’s mouth touches on fire.  He should stop this.  He should shove Richie away, call him an idiot.  Something that would bring this back to normal territory.  But he doesn’t.  Eddie doesn’t say a word as Richie kisses up his arm, over the crazy sensitive skin (has it always been this fucking sensitive?) of his inner arm, the inside of his elbow.  Lingering as he gets close to the fold of Eddie’s sleeve.  

Richie pauses, lips hovering over Eddie’s shirt, and their eyes meet again.  A deep swooping runs through Eddie’s stomach, his breath getting shorter as Richie waits.  Just as Eddie’s about to tell Richie to get the fuck off him, Richie’s eyes drop to Eddie’s mouth, a brief glance that lights heat in his chest and skin.    

Bringing his free hand up, Eddie cups the back of Richie’s neck and pulls him in, lips missing the mark and catching the corner of Richie’s mouth instead.  But Richie adjusts with a sharp gasp, palms suddenly on Eddie’s face, a gentle touch that spills the truth, despite how hard Richie’s kissing him back.  And Eddie’s had so few kisses in his life that he’s not sure what the hell to do, but he follows Richie’s lead, holding on to his best friend with trembling hands.  

Pulling back to breathe, Richie buries his face in Eddie’s shoulder, slipping the neck of the tee down and mouthing a hot trail over the flushed skin there.  A sound chokes Eddie off, one he can’t hold in when Richie’s teeth skim the base of his neck.  

“Richie,” Eddie groans, legs falling open as Richie’s thin hips get so close to him.  So, so close.  “Rich…” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Richie’s eyes come into view again, heavy and lidded as he stares down at Eddie.  “What the hell, Eds?”  His voice is breathless and low.  “We’re kinda making out here.  What’s happening?”  

“I want you.”  The words are out of Eddie’s mouth before he can think twice about admitting it.  “I want to be with you.” 

“Fuck,” Richie groans, dropping his head to rest on Eddie’s chest.  He speaks muffled into the fabric of Eddie’s shirt.  “I’m dreaming.  I gotta be.”  

Frowning down at the mass of dark hair hiding Richie from him, Eddie rubs his palms over Richie’s back, urging him gently to look at him.  “What do you mean?”  

Lifting his head, Richie moves up a bit and settles between Eddie’s legs, warm and perfect and hard against him.  “I’ve wanted to kiss you since we were like, fucking twelve, dude.”

“Really?”  

Nodding, Richie leans in, presses a sweet, slow kiss to Eddie’s lips, a kiss that Eddie deepens, wrapping his arms around Richie’s back, one hand pushing under the hem of his shirt to touch smooth skin, the other getting lost in Richie’s hair.  Gripping the strands hard as Richie’s hips jerk against him.  

The damn movie is still playing, a background to the sharp breaths and gasps, and Eddie can barely hear it.  So caught up in Richie’s mouth and his taste and how good his hair smells, and every little sound he makes as Eddie slides a knee over his hips.  Lifts up to meet the little rolls of Richie’s body.

“Wait.  Wait, fuck.”  Richie pulls back, so flushed and hair a bigger mess than usual from Eddie’s hands.  “Eds.  I can’t.  If you don’t want more than this, I’m gonna have to tap out.

Rolling his eyes, Eddie pulls Richie back to him.  “Asshole.  I do want more.”  

“Yeah?”  

“Yes,” Eddie says, then squeezes his thighs around Richie’s waist.  “Fucking kiss me.  Be my boyfriend, or whatever.”  

Richie smiles wide, whispers, “Okay,” and then they’re kissing again.      

________

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[andaleduardo]

reddie.,....94,....if you’re feelin it :’)

I had so much fun!! Thank you for sending this and I’m sorry if the ending is rushed I didn’t know what to do with it and I wanted to keep it ‘short’

Heavily inspired by chaotic and energetic Eddie Kaspbrak, he’s a brat and we love him.

94. “You heard me say what in my sleep? Wait–why were you even listening in the first place?!”

If you were to ask Richie what his favorite place on earth was, he would say the clubhouse without hesitation. Yeah sure, it was also located in Derry, also known as the worst place on earth if Richie could say so himself. But it felt as if it were far away, nowhere exactly. It was their own world, their own corner, sometimes it could feel more of a home than their own houses.

And that applied to all seven of them. 

Every corner of the clubhouse was filled with amazing memories, all of them engraved in their hearts. Stupid doodles and words carved into the wood. Little trinkets, toys and pictures littering every surface. Movie tickets pinned to the pillars, low quality polaroids hanging on battery-charged christmas lights, and all kinds of cozy additions they managed to bring down there. 

Now, they kept blankets and pillows inside a big box so that they wouldn’t get dirty, per Stan’s request, and some old stools and bean bags that took up a lot of space, but they weren’t complaining. The hammock was still a part of the family, of course.

The clubhouse had been the stage of many memorable moments. On top of that, Richie had some fun self discoveries while being down there. The most prominent one, painted in big bold letters, being the realisation that what he felt for Eddie was more than just friendship. This, of course, lead to a more obvious conclusion.

So, Richie liked boys. Big deal, right?

Yeah, a pretty fucking big deal that got him tearing his hair out and biting his nails away.

But well, life kept going and Richie had to learn to cope with the knowledge that he had a crush on his best friend. Also had to learn how to control himself whenever they sat close, or touched, or had any type of interaction. Which meant always. Richie had to learn how to control himself always. Because Eddie was always touching him and bickering back at him and being annoying (which Richie loved). And Richie would blush and sweat and stutter like Bill.

Now they were sixteen, so Richie had enough time to perfect his skills. Three years to be exact.

Of course, all those skills were thrown out the window as soon as he caught himself alone with Eddie. He just couldn’t help but feel like he was thirteen again, having just figured out about his feelings and acting like a complete idiot.

Right now was one of those moments. Richie had been tired of being home so he decided to go down to the barrens and hang in the clubhouse. He did that a lot, even if none of his friends were there he would still stay. But he quickly noticed he wasn’t alone as he climbed down the ladder and took a glance around the space. A pair of legs hanged off the hammock. Legs that could only belong to Eddie because of the familiar sneakers and white socks. 

Immediately, Richie got his years of practice into action. 

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite type of pasta hiding down here on this fine summah day!” He exclaimed as he jumped from the third step.

The answer was silence. 

The pillar was blocking Eddie’s face from Richie’s vision so he made his way over to the hammock only to realise the boy was asleep, an unfinished comic laid open on his lap.

This was the type of situation Richie didn’t really know how to deal with. Two full minutes passed as he stared at Eddie’s sleeping form, trying to decide if he should wake him up by flipping the hammock upside down or let him sleep and wake up on his own. But soon those thoughts shifted. Without noticing, Richie wound up staring at Eddie’s peaceful face with no other thought in his mind besides: ‘That’s cute.’

“Fuck.” He sighed loudly. And then proceeded to keep staring like an idiot. It sounded creepy even in his mind, but he couldn’t help it, okay? Eddie was just that cute, and he was never allowed to stare because Eddie would start hitting him and telling him to ‘quit it, you creep’.

Richie wasn’t a creep, or so he hoped. He was just hopelessly in love.

Now, there’s a thought that doesn’t scare him at all, no sir.

“Fuuuck.” He groaned again and physically forced himself to walk away, looking for something to do while Eddie took his nap. Surely he’d be waking up soon.

For a total of four minutes Richie busied himself with his yo-yo, mindlessly walking in circles around the small space and only stealing glances at his friend once or twice. After that, he was downright bored, so he started looking around the stuff they kept stored down there hoping to find another distraction.

Stan’s can of shower caps stole his attention right away. He squinted at it curiously while an idea popped into his head. Stan had bought one shower cap for each of them, and Richie knew somewhere in that little tin there was one with a dinosaur print that was meant to be his, but he never worn it out of pride. 

Throwing another look over his shoulder to see if Eddie was still asleep, Richie grabbed the tin. Since he was the master of subtleness, he let the lid fall on the ground with a horrible noise. His neck snapped back to check Eddie, but the boy didn’t even stir.

Okay, that’s cool. Leaving the lid on the ground for the moment, Richie found what he was looking for and carefully placed the tin back in its place. It was no big deal, he just wanted to put his shower cap on at least once, so that’s what he did. Patting the top of his head to matt it down a little, he felt a little ridiculous, but he liked the pattern Stan picked out for him. He had always been a fan of dino-

“Richie.”

“Shit! I’m not wearing this, you are!” Richie fisted the thing off his head and threw it far away without looking before turning to face Eddie. Who was… still asleep and giggling?

Right, Eddie talked in his sleep sometimes. Richie could almost sigh from relief.When they were younger, Eddie would sleep over at Richie’s frequently even before he discovered the sleep talking thing. The first time it happened Richie almost peed himself because he woke up to Eddie sitting on the feet of the bed and whispering at him.

“Tell him to leave, Richie… he’s taking my space… send him away.” 

It hadn’t been fun. Richie had started crying because he didn’t know what the fuck Eddie was talking about and they were eight, okay? He was allowed to cry when he thought there was a demon laying in bed by his side that only Eddie could see.

Over time it had gotten better, Eddie didn’t move much now while he slept, but he still mumbled and called for the people he was dreaming about. 

Which meant he was dreaming about Richie. And giggling at the same time.

Richie was sure his face was very red, it suddenly felt really hot inside the clubhouse. He had decided to let it go and try to find a subtle way to wake up Eddie when the boy started mumbling through giggles again.

“Rich… stop that…” 

And that was enough to make his ears burn and for him to do a reckless thing. He stomped his way over to the hammock and fisted both hands on the fabric. Then, he tugged and screamed

“WAKE UP!” while Eddie’s body rolled onto the ground on the other side with a loud thump.

“WHO FUCKING DIED?!” Eddie screamed as he woke up mid-air, a split second before he fell on the wood. “FUCK!”

Still unaware of Richie’s presence, Eddie groaned as he slowly lifted himself into a sitting position and massaged his forehead from where he hit it on the floor. 

Richie was a jerk.

“Morning, sleeping beau-

“HOLY FUCK!” Eddie screamed again.

“Jesus, can you scream some more? I think there’s still a piece of my left eardrum that’s intact.”

“Did you fucking push me, asshole?” 

“No…?” Richie tried.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Eddie spat as he got up and brushed dirt and dust from his clothes. 

Richie tried to come up with an answer, but it was useless as Eddie started one of his ‘let’s trash Richie and speak a million words per second’ discourses. The only thing that came to his mind to save his ass from having to listen to Eddie’s endless rambling was to say something really fast and, most importantly, without thinking first.

“I HEARD YOU SAYING MY JOKES WERE FUNNY IN YOUR SLEEP!”

“You heard me say what in my sleep?” Bad choice. “Wait–why were you even listening in the first place?! How long was I asleep? You should have just woke me up-”

“Aw Eds, you’re just embarrassed because now I know the truth. You think I’m funny, I’m hi-la-ri-ous!”

Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose and placed a hand on his hip in deep frustration. “You know what? Fine! Whatever you say, Richie. If that helps you sleep at night.”

It was really the perfect opportunity. 

“Helps me? More like helps you sleep at night, Spaghetti. But there’s no need to be ashamed! I get it, I get it, I’m so handsome that I appear on all your dreams to make you happy all night long-”

And then the metal lid of Stan’s tin flew right onto his head.

-

Send me prompts from this list or any that you have :)

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[magpie-scribbles]

Incarceration: Rappa x OC

Okay lovies this is 100% N//S//F//W please do not read if you are under 18.

I needed to write some good Rappa smut content because I’m starving so have some Rappa x OC FILTH!!

Rating: E

Warnings: Smut, size kink/difference, masturbation, public sex, mild daddy kink 

Pairing: Kendou Rappa x OC (Hoshi Sakuretsu)

2 weeks…It had been 2 weeks since he and the other bullets had been carted off to Tartarus. From what he could tell he wasn’t in the highest level of security; and at least he didn’t have to share a room with anyone; which was fine by him, the room was already damn small with just him in it. Probably would have used his roommate for a punching bag anyway by now, he was so pent up; his blood sang and his bones rumbled; body aching for something more than being held up in this dog pen.

3 weeks… he had heard that if he was on good behavior he might be able to go out in the yard and mingle, and take lunch in the dining hall. He thought they were stupid when he first heard that ‘cause he’d probably just go batshit at the first smell of freedom; fuck he was starting to grow crazy in here. He had already made a few decent sized holes in the wall on the far side of the room, his knuckles hardly bled and his attitude only soured when it did nothing to relieve him.

There honestly wasn’t much to do, until he got to wander on good behavior; just eat, sleep, shit, and jack off. And jacking off he did a lot of, and it only seemed to make it worse, fuck it wasn’t the same.

He put another hole in the wall after one particularly aggressive session that left his cock feeling raw; cum splattered across his stomach and chest in thick ropes. Still he was hard and aching, twitching in the stale air of his stupidly small cell. 

He fisted his own hand in his hair and tried again, trying to pretend the hand gripping at his mane was exceptionally smaller. It wasn’t the same…

This time his knuckles bled a little more when they bit into the wall but it wasn’t in the least bit satisfying. He wondered what Hoshi was doing, if she was going as crazy as he was…well if she was cooped up she’d probably be going even more crazy than him. The idea of her going feral in her own cell, tipping over the bed, ripping pillows and sheets out of sheer boredom and stir craziness had him pumping his cock again. He missed it, fuck , missed her near manic energy, her scrappiness; missed her nails digging trenches into his back and chest, missed her biting mouth and wild eyes. 

He missed the sounds she made; her sighs, her coos, her screams; he missed the way she could barely take him but would always ask for more, more, more. Missed the way she made him feel, what she made him do. He missed the way she owned him. 

He wondered if she was laying away on her cot, whimpering out, hands down her panties, fingers pressed into her tight, wet pussy. He wondered if she was calling out his name as she desperately tried to get herself off.

“Rappa, Rappa,…Kendou”

He snarled as he painted his chest again, this release a little more satisfying than the last but still no where near close to what he needed.

He grumbled into the quiet air, still unsatisfied, still pent up and now covered in his own mess. He could hear the material of the scratchy sheet around his knees strain when he tugged at it, balling it up, wiping himself down before throwing it on the floor. It didn’t fucking matter if he didn’t have a blanket anymore, this place ran too hot anyway; he hated that too. 

He settled back down, god these beds were comically small! At least the pillow still had some fluff in it as he folded it under his head. 

He decided to not even bother pulling his pants back up; the fuckers could have a nice view when wake up call came the next day. At least it would provide him some entertainment.  

______

4 weeks… 

Finally, FINALLY he was getting to stretch his legs, though he really wasn’t sure he had been on any good behavior at all; they had probably just gotten tired of him breaking shit and cleaning up his messes. Didn’t matter, finally he could walk more than a few yards without hitting a wall.

The restraints biting into his shoulders weren’t exactly pleasant, though he guessed it could be worse, at least his arms still had some mobility…If the were smart they would have bound his arms completely. Still he wasn’t completely stupid and he really wanted this brief moment of freedom even if it was just going to the dining hall to get some grub.

The two escorts at his side were armed with nothing more than rubber bullets and stun guns, he had laughed when he saw them. He had made a snarky comment on how “that’s all they give ya’? Fuck it’s like they want ya’ to get pummeled.” They didn’t say anything as he laughed at them and their puny defenses. They had tried to act all nonplussed about his statement but he could see the apprehension in their eyes; and maybe…a little fear. That definitely brightened his mood some.

He had tried to make small talk as he was escorted but the two guards wanted none of it and ignored him for the most part, not that he really minded, they were probably boring anyway. 

The dining hall was a lot bigger than he had expected, and certainly much brighter than his cell, it nearly hurt his eyes when he entered, despite the air being filled with the smell of prison food, it somehow smelled fresher and less stale than the cell-blocks. He found himself breathing deeply.

“Don’t cause a ruckus.” 

He turned to the escort to his left giving him a hard sideways glance.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” he rumbled, flashing his teeth.

By the quick retreat and bristled expression of the guard, he knew he had scared him off; good.

“What’s his problem yah?” he turned to the other guard, his grin widening when the other man turned and left much the same way as the other. That’s right, fuck right off.

It was nice to finally move around, even though he knew he was being watched like a damn hawk, at least they weren’t all up in his face about it now. He struggled, the restraints becoming mildly irritating and moved to get a tray for some grub; the food was shit here but he’d had worse before, and it wasn’t like he was some sort of culinary expert. He just need calories, and a lot. When he got out of here there was going to be a lot of bulking he’d need to take care of.

For the most part people moved out of his way when they saw him coming, the few that didn’t see his approach to the line ended up on the ground; it wasn’t even like he body checked them, just elbowed them out of the way. His size and strength of his stride being enough to knock people over. 

At least the line wasn’t awful when he joined it, he wouldn’t have to wait too long to get some grub. 

“Woah you’re mega tall.” 

He looked in front of him and down. A woman stared back up at him apprehensively, grip on her tray trembling.

She wasn’t short, normal height, if anything maybe a little on the tall side, but he was a behemoth; he grinned menacingly.

“Ate my vegetables as a kid.” he replied snarkily.

“Ah…” she gave him a nervous smile and turned back around, clutching her tray closer to her chest. 

Fearful after just talking to him, pathetic, was he really stuck in here with such cowards?? 

A light bulb suddenly went off in his head and he glanced back down to the woman in front of him; puzzled for a second before looking around. It seemed like this was a co-ed dining hall; After the moment of curiosity he shrugged and supposed it didn’t matter, with everyone having some sort of quirk they were all on somewhat even ground.

He turned back to face the front of the line, bored now that his curiosity was satisfied. 

Then a flash of pink caught his eye, exiting the line ahead. All his attention zeroed in and his blood ran hot.

Hoshi

He hardly even registered the sound of pain as he dropped his tray directly on the head of the woman in front of him before making long strides towards the petite woman exiting with her food.

“Hey dude! No cutting!” someone grabbed his shirt. 

“Wait in line like everyone else h-” the fucker didn’t even finish his sentence before he was grabbed by the back of the head. He brought his knee forcefully up into the man’s face, a sickening crunch as the his nose caved like a house of cards, blood pouring out over his face and onto his pants. 

He felt his blood pump even hotter as he watched the now unconscious man crumple to the cafeteria floor.

Around him there were soft gasps, a few groans and ‘ew gross’ but once again all his attention was on the woman, who was now looking straight at him, eyes bright and face glowing with a smile.

“PUMPKIN!!” she screamed, throwing her tray and all the contents over her head in her excitement.

And he’s running to her, bulldozing anyone that got in his path, even pushing a few dining tables out of the way in his mad rush. 

She reached out to him, bouncing on her toes as he closes in.

By now security is probably trying to figure out what the hell is going on but fuck she’s right there, and he’ll be as bad as he wants to be. 

She jumped in anticipation and he scooped her up, hauling her up into his arms, grip most likely bruising as he squeezed her thigh in one hand and roughly cupped the back of her head. He stumbled, taking a few more steps before falling onto one of the dining tables; knees connecting uncomfortably with the attached metal bench, it didn’t fucking matter, nothing fucking mattered. She was already clawing at him.

He crashed his lips against her, growling loudly as he shoved his tongue into her mouth, his teeth clacking against her own in an animalistic display of dominance. She’s already making such pretty sounds for him and they’d barely done anything, she’s missed him and fuck he’s already so fucking hard.

He budged her further up the table, fully kneeling on the bench, which groaned under his weight. 

She bit his lips and pulled at his hair, and he can hardly stand it, it’d been a fucking month; he could feel himself leaking, the taught fabric over his dick becoming painful. He couldn’t stop himself, his hips already subconsciously humping the air, clothed dick rubbing against the cool metal table.

He doesn’t want to stop gripping the soft flesh of her thigh, but he wanted to know how much she missed him, just how sopping she already was for him. He removed his grip and pressed two fingers roughly against the crotch of her prison pants; she’s already soaking through them and he groans lowly.

“Fuck, lil’ sparkler, ya miss me? You’re fuckin’ soaked .” he growled against her mouth, before backing up a bit to see her expression. He’s embarrassed to admit he almost came right then and there when she looked back up at him, lips bruised and slightly bloody, pupils blown wide with lust. 

Her hand moved to his wild mane and she wound a chunk around her fist before yanking, bringing a lustful whine from him as she viciously tugged him back down.

“Don’t be so meeaannn. Rappa, please, no teasin’ be faaiirrrr.” she arched into him. 

God, she’s practically delirious for him, his cock twitched, and he humped against the table a few more times. 

He smashed his lips against hers again, drinking in her squeals as he ripped her pants from her hips and shoved a large hand into her panties. She practically screamed into his mouth when he pressed a finger into her tight heat.

“Fuuuuccckkk, dunno how ya can still be so tight aftr’ I’ve wrecked ya so many times.” he snarled against her lips, shoving a second finger into her and her back bowed in a pretty arch. “Look at ya take it.” 

He began to piston his fingers in and out of her, swallowing up her wails as she coated his hand in her slick. He knew he was going to have to be quick about this, to be honest he was surprised no one had done anything yet to to stop them, probably too scared, or maybe they’re getting off on this too. He growled at the idea, wanting to stake his claim even more.   

Hoshi scrabbled against his chest at the crook of his fingers and he felt her clamping down like a vice, he couldn’t help but let out a shaky laugh; fuck he missed that feeling.

Barely allowing her to come down from her first high he pulled her closer, further beneath his huge form; using the hand that was already covered in her essence he ripped her ruined panties down her thighs before pushing his pants down (pleased that he had decided not to wear boxers this morning) just enough for his cock to spring free.

He looked down at her small trembling form, her bright eyes honed in completely to his dick that was now bobbing between them.

“Yesyesyesyes pleasepleaspleaseplease.” he heard her chanting under her breath, fuck she was practically drooling at the sight of him; his head swam and he grabbed her hips harshly.    

“Fuck, sparkler, you’re gagging for it ain’t ya?” he pressed the tip of his dick up against her. 

“Rappaaaa, Kendou.” she squirmed in his hold, trying to impale herself on him, and it takes all his remaining brainpower to not just shove inside her.

He leaned in further, lips brushing against her ear almost tenderly. 

“Have ya been a good girl?” he rumbled, lustful grin splitting his face.

He felt her turn and then she whispered back.

“No.”

The sound that broke free from his chest was a feral laugh as he leaned back slightly and plunged his cock into her completely.      

She screamed in delight, and probably a little pain, but fuck he knew she loved it, and he quickly started a brutal pace, pleasure and heat zipping up and down his spine nearly immediately.

“Fuck, missed ya Hoshi; missed your mouth.” he gave her a biting kiss. “Missed your fucking tits.” he tweaked her nipples harshly. “Missed your pretty. little. pussy.” each word punctuated with a harsh snap of his hips. “Missed watching ya barely being able to take me.” he watched how her stomach bulged each time he bottomed out in her heat.

He leaned close again, one hand fisting in her hair, the other reaching up to grip the lip of the table; he yanked her head back sharply, causing her to arch and show her pretty neck.

“Missed everything about ya.” he growled licking a wide tongue up the expanse of her throat. 

The sound she made, he promised to burn into the back of his brain for the rest of his life; and then she was coming around his thick cock, soaking him and milking him for all he was worth. At this point he’d lost all control and he savagely pounded into her, using her as his personal cock sleeve, chasing the pleasure building and crackling along his spine.

Three more harsh thrusts and he’s coming, holding her down, balls deep inside her, as he throbs. The sound that bubbles up from his chest is more the sound of a beast than a man.

He can hear her moaning and giggling as he filled her to the brim, pulse after pulse of his hot seed until it’s dripping out of her and onto the table. 

His body hummed, flushed in utter pleasure, but he already knew it wouldn’t be enough, even before he came off his high.

“More.” he growls lowly and fuck if Hoshi didn’t wiggle excitedly on his still hard cock. 

He huffed, exasperated and in absolute adoration of her eagerness; ready to flip her over and mount her like an animal. But he was suddenly being restrained, thick cables slingshotting around his biceps, forcing his arms to his sides. Even in his lust filled mindset he could figure out what was happening and he couldn’t help but laugh; the cable tightening, he could hear what he assumes are the guards finally getting their shit together with a few ‘what the fucks’ and ‘fucking christs’. The cables tug at him and he took a step back, slipping out of the petite woman, he’d rather remove himself from her; it would be gentler than being forcibly pulled away. 

“Looks like our fun is over Hoshi.” He grinned. 

Two guards appeared at his sides and he sensed there are more behind him. Two more guards and a few nurses round the table and bundle up next to Hoshi. He bristled at the idea that they thought they’d need to bring medical support; he’d never hurt her, not in anyway she didn’t want.

“Oh but daddy we were just getting started.” she whined, coy smile on her lips, she was still laying on the table completely ravaged by him. He can see the nurses recoil for a moment, unsure of how to respond to this tiny woman who had just been fucked an inch within her life, asking for more. He knows how.

He laughed straining against his bonds, the guards at his side, readying for him to struggle.

“Well kitten, are ya going to be good for next time or bad?” one of the nurses is helping her to a sitting position while the other is wrapping a blanket around her. The look she pinned him with was enough to make his cock jump again.

“Definitely bad.” she licked her lips, gaze smoldering. 

“Enough! Jesus CHRIST!” one of the guards cursed beside him, trying to shove him into turning around and marching. 

He was in a good mood now, so he turned to face the much smaller man.

“Ya gonna help me pull my pants up, cause…ya know” he flexed his biceps against the cables. “Unless ya like looking at my dick then carry on.” 

He reveled in the man’s sputtering and watched as Hoshi was ushered on shaky legs passed him.

One thing was for certain, he wouldn’t be spending another month in here, and neither would she. 

Besides prison break would be fun.

[crusherthedoctor]

The Lutrudis Hadeer Design Concept Masterpost

Every now and then, I get the occasional question about my very own Lutrudis, which I'm always gladly willing to answer. Yet for all the times I've answered such questions, it seems some folks are still a bit left in the dark as to how Trudy came to be. So I figured I could make one big post all about the creation process. Maybe not every single detail per say, but at least everything that I think is worth mentioning in a post of this sort.

I'm aware that fellow pal @benignmilitancy​ covered this subject herself recently, but I might as well do my part to back up what she said.

1. When did Lutrudis become an idea?

The basic idea for Lutrudis - and indeed, the setting of Viridonia and Beyond the Stars itself as a story - was thought up as early as 2014. When I say basic idea however, I really do mean it, as aside from the general concept of her being the latest Friend of the Week helping Sonic and Co fight evil on her home island, very little else about Trudy was set up, including her name and species. While some aspects of her personality were already set in stone by that point, I focused on the design first when I decided to go ahead and make her and Beyond the Stars a real thing. The idea being to use what personality traits I had in mind to create a mental image, then use that mental image to help figure out the rest of her traits, as a design can often help out with working out a personality.

So basically, I scratched my back, so that I could scratch it again. Made sense to me.

2. Why a horse? Is it because friendship is magic?

Maybe...

Actually, I wanted a species that hadn't been used before, at least in the games, its continuity being the one Beyond the Stars takes place in. But at the same time, I also wanted to go with a fairly mundane species rather than anything rare, extinct, or extravagant, as I felt that the latter would undermine the story arc that I had in mind for this particular character. Compared to the likes of Sonic, Shadow, or Blaze, Lutrudis is more akin to Amy in the sense that she's ordinary by comparison, despite her living conditions and the magical brand of ammo she eventually decides to use. To have the arc of a “normal” lady becoming a hero in her own right be represented by a T-rex or a dragon wouldn't really land the same impact in the context of this universe.

Already, I was quickly warming up to making her a horse because of this. But then I realised that many of Trudy's personality traits - her loyalty, her passion, her elegance - were ALSO commonly attributed to horses in real life. And if you're not aware, I'm a big fan of letting Sonic and Co have character tics representative of their species, and a horse in particular had plenty of potential to have some funny and cute moments by letting their horsiness show itself. This additional thought helped make my decision on the matter final.

...Well, that and I wanted Trudy to have longer hair than the average Sonic female due to how, IMO, short hair wouldn't work as well for her. Obviously horses have manes, so that made it easier to get away with than it would have if she were a hedgehog, though it also helps that Trudy's hair is never any more detailed than the rest of her, meaning her hair actually looks like her own rather than her wearing an overly detailed wig to appease a certain disgraced comic writer, one of whom I will probably have the entirety of Beyond the Stars uploaded by the time he actually does something with his echidna libido-fueled comic at this rate... Looking forward to it in 2030.

As for what kind of horse she is, I decided to go with an English Thoroughbred, if only to further justify Trudy's English accent, which is nonetheless fairly mild compared to everyone else in Viridonia, who sound as though they jumped out of a 90's Rareware title.

3. “THIS IS WHO I AM... But who am I?”

Believe it or not, but even by 2016, I still hadn't decided on what to call my little pony. I had already figured that whatever I was going to call her, it would abide by the same naming convention as Amy Rose, Miles Prower, and Ivo Robotnik, to help further add to the aforementioned notion that she's an ordinary lady who wasn't born with any superpowers. That, and because “___ the Horse” doesn't have the same ring to it as “___ the Hedgehog” or “___ the Echidna”.

So what did I do?

I looked up a list of female names for baby girls. Duh.

Well, it worked out, because I stumbled across “Lutrudis”, which was German for “strength of the village”. The more I repeated it in my head, the more it appealed to me. Sometimes, you can have various names that mean the same thing, yet one in particular will just have that perfect sound to it. That was me with this name. This horse being named Lutrudis felt right to me, even if I perfectly understood that it was perhaps a bit more exotic than your usual Sonic anthro name.

Not that it mattered too much, since I was quick to think of “Trudy” as a nickname for her, since in addition to being less of a mouthful, that name - also German in origin - had a similar meaning, “universal strength”. Fit her character and arc just as well.

So that was the first name sorted, but what about the surname? Well, when looking at a selection of appropriate words, I stumbled on “Hadeer”, and while the Arabic meaning of the name is slightly unclear - some sources say “adventurous”, others say “sound of the water falls” - I felt that the meanings associated with it were all equally appropriate regardless. Then I combined it with the first name, said the full name over and over again in my head, and thought “Yeah... this sounds correct.”

I realise the irony of a part-German, part-Arabic name being associated with an English character, but considering this is the same universe where a man who is presumably not Polish is given a Polish term for a name (Robotnik), I think we can let it slide.

4. “You guys know what EDS is, right?”

It's no secret that another friend of mine, @greenyvertekins​, has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which has a lot of unfortunate complications to it, but in laymen's terms basically means your body is more fragile than that of the average person's. This condition is rather rare, so much so that a majority of people have never heard of it. Sure enough, I was one of those people, until I became friends with Verte.

After hearing Verte talk about her EDS and what she's had to go through, along with doing my own research on the condition, not only was I considerably more informed on it, but I also felt very sympathetic to not only my friend, but everyone else who has had to experience it, particularly with how ignorant other people continue to react to it due to lack of public awareness. It made me want to do something in dedication, and in the process, a certain pony eventually crossed my mind.

This wasn't done for the sake of appeasing blue checkmarks on Twitter. I genuinely wanted to help raise awareness of EDS however I could, and I considered that perhaps its inclusion in my story would help do that, so long as it didn't sacrifice everything else about the story or forget that it was still a Sonic the Hedgehog story. Yes, it's a fanfic, and thus not as well known as a Hollywood blockbuster or a bestselling novel, but if even a few people were to end up learning about EDS through Lutrudis, I would be happy.

However, I was well aware that the idea of a Sonic character having EDS might be seen as a bit jarring, and if done badly, could potentially be accidentally insulting. So I made sure to consult Verte about it, saying that I would only go through with it if she was comfortable with me doing so, and made it very clear that I would try to make its representation as tasteful and as faithful as I can, despite the inherent nature of the Sonic universe that Trudy is part of.

By the way, horses in real life can fall victim to very similar disorders, so that was yet another reason why I went with that choice.

5. “Hey Benign, I'm shite at art, please help.”

I can't remember the exact conversation that led to it, but after I talked to @benignmilitancy​ about Lutrudis, she offered to bring the character's design to life through her mad art skillz. Initially I was hesitant to take up the offer, since I felt guilty about having to rely on someone else to show people what my own character looks like, but I was giddily honored by the offer and decided to agree as long as she was willing. Luckily for her, she wasn't working with a blank canvas so to speak, as I had a relatively complete image in my mind regarding what Trudy would look like, having already reasoned to myself why this or that would apply.

When putting my vision into words to Benign, I mentioned that...

- Since Trudy is the same age as Rouge, logically that should mean she's given a similar mature build as the latter, as opposed to the pipe limbs you see with the other female characters. Since Trudy spends a lot of time with Amy and Cream and has a lot of motherly interactions with the latter in particular, it helps signify that she's older than them.

- Being a horse, she would have two slits for nostrils rather than the usual dot nose that most characters have. Similarly, though you don't see them most of the time anyway, her feet are grey hooves, but they abide by the usual Sonic-style feet rather than being more realistic ala Clove's hooves, if only because the latter didn't look right for this character IMO.

- To add to her gentle warmth, her eyes would be a honey shade of brown. Just like how Cream has brown eyes. Again, it's like poetry, they sort of, they rhyme. Every stanza kinda rhymes with the last one. *shrug* Hopefully it'll work.

- Since EDS tends to apply several subtle physical traits to those who have it, at least some of them should logically apply to Trudy as well. Those with EDS often have a bluish-grey tint to their sclera, and they also tend to have paler skin than most, so Trudy would have those qualities too.

- To emphasize her love for Mother Nature and all its amazing sights, and also to contrast with Amy and Cream's colour schemes, Trudy herself would be green, albeit a more gentler green rather than the brighter tones of Vector and Jet, while her clothes would be blue, with slightly different shades depending on the clothing to prevent her from looking like a drab curtain. After a few initial sketches, Benign eventually suggested that some of her clothing could be changed to brown to balance out her overall colour scheme, as well as to further add to the subtle nature motif by having brown (trees) go along with blue (water) and green (grass). Needless to say, I wholeheartedly approved of this idea, and decided that the best placement for the brown sections would be for her leggings and glove cuffs.

- Speaking of, as a nod to her equine status, she would wear leggings that could pass off as Equestrian jodhpurs. (Not that she has an aversion to wearing skirts or dresses, since she's girly and tomboyish in pretty much equal measures, compared to how Sonic females usually lean towards one or the other.)

- People with EDS are unable to wear heels since they can hurt their feet, so heels were out of the equation for this little horsie. But I also figured that regular shoes or sandals wouldn't mesh well with the rest of Trudy's clothing, so I went with boots that were flat at the heels. They can allude to her adventurous streak AND allude to how there's a lady willing to kick ass behind that quiet, mellow, introverted demeanour. Plus, much like how being stomped by a real horse's hoof would be very painful to put it mildly, so too would being stomped by this horse's boot.

- Seeing how Trudy's arms have permanent scars on them - permanent scars being another common effect of EDS - she would wear elbow-length gloves over them, since she wouldn't be comfortable with showing them publicly. Note however that she would still wear long gloves even if she didn't have those scars, since they genuinely happen to appeal to her fashion tastes as well. Covering the scars up is just a bonus. And since long gloves are often associated with royalty and high class, they're also suiting for a lady who lives in a fancy castle (despite not being royalty).

- Her hair is kept in a big bouncy ponytail, not unlike Coco Bandicoot or Shantae, since it's both cute and tomboyish... that and because the visual pun of a horse with a ponytail was too good to resist, let alone it humorously mirroring the general shape of her actual tail.

- To contrast with Sonic's spiky quills, a lot of Trudy's design is emphasized to have a round quality, such as her tail, her ponytail, and her sloped ears. To add to this design philosophy, she would wear a headscarf similar to Wave's. Me and Benign contemplated on whether Trudy's muzzle should be more blocky like that of a real horse, before we agreed that the softer muzzle fit both the round aesthetic and her general character better.

- Trudy has trouble breathing in colder temperatures, and she also has a sensitive nose that reacts strongly to heavy scents. As such, she would have a bandanna that she could cover over her mouth and nose to help out with either of those things whenever the situation called for it, or any other scenario where she deems it appropriate. It helps that a bandanna suits a horse anthro anyway.

Truth be told, I was worried that I was coming off as too demanding. But Benign assured me that giving all these details helped rather than hindered. In any case, I was more than pleased with the final result, as it was precisely spot on to what I had in my head, although even her initial sketches during the work in progress were great stuff.

6. If Amy uses a hammer, then Lutrudis uses...

Trudy has surprising arm and leg strength despite her appearance, which is mainly due to her horsie genes. But since she's still got EDS, it's still wise for her to equip herself with a weapon or two to even the odds. I contemplated a few ideas in this case, including a quarterstaff, but ultimately I decided that the following would be a little more interesting, while still remaining appropriate for the character in question.

I thought to myself “What's stopping her from having two weapons, one for short-range, the other for long-range?” I decided on the long-range weapon first: bow and arrows, the latter of which would eventually include the Ethereal Zone-powered crystals inside the cavern below her castle. Goes without saying that a bow suits her elegance and how it can be used from a stealthy distance, and the use of the crystals and their different abilities also helps to keep the reader guessing on what exactly is the nature of the elusive Ethereal Zone itself. I also reasoned that Trudy using a bow was a nice contrast to Amy's hammer, although I'm aware that Amy herself used a bow in the Fleetway comics. But no one uses a bow in the games (yet), so it's fine, right?

As for her short-range weapon, I thought it'd be funny if she had a whip that resembled a riding crop. Not only would it be used to give Eggman's robots the Simon Belmont treatment, it could also extend up to a certain distance to help grapple onto things and allow her to overcome areas that would otherwise cause complications for her body. Is it a bit ludicrous? Maybe, but so is a blue hedgehog fighting a Roosevelt lookalike. You just kind of have to live with it.

So there you have it! Everything you need to know about how Lutrudis Hadeer's name, species, design, and EDS came to be finalised. Now when you turn her into a monkey without my knowledge or permission for the sake of dunking on her because you don't approve of me making fun of Kingdom Hearts rejects, at least you'll have a better idea on what you're actually talking about. :^)

[mostlycompetentwriter]

It’s All About The Game- Part 2

Sophomore Year

Pairing: OC x Seo Changbin (Stray Kids)

Genre: High School AU, Enemies to Lovers, Sports Fiction (basketball, man!)

Warnings: None (at least for this part)

Word Count: Almost 11,000

Summary:  Despite her hesitance, OC allows Changbin to become a regular mainstay in her seemingly normal high school life. But who is she to turn down someone willing to become friends? However, perhaps OC completely misread the situation because it seems like Changbin wants more than just friendship. The problem is OC has no idea how to handle his advances.

Notes: Yes, I waited until the very last day in December. New Years Resolution: Post at more appropriate times.

August

Message from Han Jisung:

I’m coming home today

My fingers trembled with excitement as I typed out a short reply, eager for the opportunity to see Jisung again after an entire summer waiting for his return. My only saving grace came in the form of the well-intended letters he sent in the mail from his campsite up north, talking about all the activities his older, and overly enthusiastic, camp counselor was forcing him to join. The letters made me laugh as I held them tightly in my hands, seeking out his familiar words as I found myself inadvertently experiencing his adventures with him, vicariously living through Jisung’s expertly crafted stories. They stood in stark contradiction to his contributions: various postcards from the expensive European cities his summer league basketball team were visiting to participate in tournaments.

London

I won MVP in the tournament again.

Berlin

You’d be impressed with the game I had today.

Paris

I miss you, Reynolds.

I was beginning to think Changbin actually genuinely believed I wanted to hear about all the places he visited while I was stuck in our boring hometown. In actuality, I managed an impressively over dramatic eye roll each time I found another card in my mailbox. Unlike Jisung’s meaningful letters, Changbin decided to only think about himself, as per usual, and it was already difficult knowing that we now shared a tentative friendship.

As for myself, in addition to the thrill of Changbin and Jisung’s mailings, I tried my best to enjoy my summer vacation. For example, I often joined Felix, Minho, and Hyunjin at the park to play basketball, even if it was devastatingly sad to explain basic fundamentals every time we tried to play 2 on 2. I also took the initiative of studying relentlessly for my PSATs, knowing I would be grateful for the advantage later on when I was actually forced to take the dreaded examination just for a shot at a decent University. Finally, and perhaps most significantly, I started learning how to drive from my father. Unfortunately, I was proving to be a pretty lousy motorist, often forgetting to even put the car in drive before my eager foot pressed down on the gas pedal.

In conclusion, it was a lousy summer and I was more than ready for school to start back again, even if that meant dealing with Seo Changbin for another year.

“Jisung!” 

I watched with barely contained excitement as Jisung finally located me sitting at the bar of the restaurant he recommended. A wide smile broke out across his face, eyes lighting with mischief as he joined me on the narrow bar stool next to my own. “I didn’t know it would be this crowded,” Jisung said, studying the masses of students occupying the surrounding booths and tables.

“School starts back soon,” I said with a shrug. 

“I kind of like it,” Jisung said, leaning in closer. “How was your summer?”

“Boring,” I groaned, dragging my water closer. “I’m supposed to take Driver’s Ed soon and I’m already convinced of tragic failure.”

“Tragic?” Jisung chuckled, sandy-colored bangs falling into his eyes. “Have you been practicing?”

“Almost every day,” I lamented. 

“Maybe I could help you?” Jisung suggested. “I think it’s about time you chauffeur me around instead.”

I glared at him playfully. “Is that so?”

“Look, Kayda,” Jisung grinned, “it’s not so hard once you get the hang of it, and I happen to make an excellent teacher.”

“You don’t understand what you’re dealing with,” I groaned, wincing as I remembered my father’s furious expression after running into the trash bins situated at the edge of the street for pickup.

“We can start this weekend,” Jisung suggested. 

I studied him carefully, trying to figure out if he was being serious. “Are you sure?”

“Why not?” Jisung shrugged. “I had a pretty boring summer too.”

“Your letters didn’t mention that,” I joked, unconsciously moving in closer to him, our shoulders briefly brushing together.

“There wasn’t anyone to talk to,” he said. “I didn’t like the other kids in my cabin. They were obviously not interested in camp formalities.”

“Camp formalities?”

“And decorum!” Jisung shouted, ignoring the way some of our classmates glared at his outburst. “I’ve never seen such blatant disregard for the rules.”

“What? Did they stay up after curfew?”

“Well, I did that too,” Jisung said, earning him an eye roll in return. “I’m talking about the fucking.”

I nearly choked on my water, gaping at Jisung with wide eyes. “Are you serious?”

“It’s an old cliche,” Jisung went on as if he wasn’t openly discussing such a taboo activity in the middle of a public restaurant. “Camps always make teenagers extra horny.”

“And were you participating?” I dared to ask him, surprised by the little flare of jealousy that briefly ruined my previous smile.

“I made good use of my hand,” Jisung said, grinning brightly while I blushed in response, finding words incapable of describing the unusual embarrassment of hearing him talk that way. 

“What’s wrong?” Jisung continued because he definitely knew that his comment had left me flustered. “Are you alright?”

I waved him off, finishing off the entirety of my water as I tried to flush out the brilliant red undoubtedly coloring my cheeks. “It’s fine.”

“Ugh,” Jisung grimaced, attention refocusing on something behind me. “Your stupid boyfriend is here.”

“He’s not my-” I trailed off as soon as I realized that Jisung was talking about Changbin, having been relentlessly teasing me about his sudden interest since the basketball ordeal in the park. He was obviously looking for a rise which I refused to give him as I turned around to make eye contact with my life’s biggest nuisance. 

“Reynolds!” Changbin loudly announced, commanding the attention of the entire restaurant.

“He knows how to make an entrance,” Jisung grumbled, appearing unusually downtrodden as we both waited for Changbin to approach, Felix and Minho hanging behind. 

Changbin sat down next to me, immediately relaxing an arm casually against the back of my chair. I glared at the intruding limb, but Changbin didn’t take notice, far too busy signaling for our busy waitress as if his needs were more important than the rest of the restaurant’s patrons. “Did you order yet, Reynolds?” Changbin asked, eyes scanning the menu as he started listing off his demands to the poor waitress scrambling to write everything down. 

“I ate before I came here,” I said, meeting Jisung’s gaze entreatingly as if he could possibly do anything to stop Changbin.

“You like fries, right?” Changbin asked, looking up at the waitress. “Did you get that?”

The waitress patiently nodded her head, bowing slightly when Changbin dismissed her. “Did you get my postcards, Reynolds?” Changbin asked, waving off his friends after they extended an invitation to join them at an open table.

“I got them,” I offered shortly, sighing as I realized that Changbin’s return, more so than Jisung’s, certainly meant that our cherished summer vacation was truly over.

Changbin smirked. “Were you impressed, Reynolds? We went to 9 different cities in Europe.”

“Congratulations,” I muttered, frowning when Changbin ignored my sarcastic comment in exchange for the soda the waitress had brought for him. I quickly turned to Jisung. “You can get us out of here right?”

Jisung pursed his lips, bouncing his fingers against his chin in faux consideration. “I don’t know, Kayda, it’s kinda funny to see you like this.”

I glared at him, inwardly groaning when Changbin tapped on my arm, a silent demand for my attention. “I didn’t know you were here, Han,” Changbin said, scoffing slightly at the older boy.

“I’ve been here the whole time.”

Changbin narrowed his eyes. “I heard you were gone this summer too.”

“My dad forced me to go to a summer camp,” Jisung said, seemingly unbothered by Changbin’s obvious hostility.

Changbin moved in closer to me, nodding his head at our waitress when she dropped off an order of fries. “Here, Reynolds,” Changbin said, tone much lighter as he pushed them in my direction.

I rolled my eyes at him, but Changbin didn’t seem to notice. Jisung grinned, but the smile was far less authentic than usual. “When do you want to start your driving lessons, Kayda?”

“Driving?” Changbin turned to me instantly. “You asked Jisung to teach you?... I could’ve done it.”

It was almost laughable to see Changbin’s pouty expression, snatching a fry from my tray. “Jisung already has his license,” I pointed out.

“I get mine soon!” Changbin retorted.

“She’ll learn better from me,” Jisung said, already in the process of pulling out his wallet. “I have to help my mom this afternoon. I’ll see you at school, Kayda.”

I tried not to protest, offering Jisung a delicate wave as I watched him the entire time he left the dinner, pushing his way through the lingering crowd of students. “What’s his problem?” Changbin snorted, crossing his arms over his chest in a defensive manner.

“How did you know I was here?” I asked Changbin, ignoring his question.

“I didn’t,” Changbin said, smile slowly returning. “But I’m glad I saw you, Reynolds.”

Despite his attitude and clear dismissal of Jisung, I couldn’t help the way my heart fluttered at his earnest declaration.

September

It was almost comical, slowly watching Jisung’s enthusiasm fade away the longer he attempted to coax me down the street in his beat-up Ford. Of course, Jisung had every right to be frustrated, especially considering how long his impromptu lesson had been progressing. At this point in time, I was deemed a lost cause and I was thoroughly embarrassed by my ineptitude.

“You don’t have to press the gas so hard,” Jisung gasped, clutching tightly to the safety bar above his head.

“Sorry,” I murmured quietly, ashamed that I couldn’t understand something so simple.

Jisung cleared his throat. “You did warn me.”

I sighed, bouncing my forehead against the steering wheel. “I don’t know why it’s hard for me.”

“Everyone learns at their own pace,” Jisung tried to reassure me, but his words had little effect on my failing confidence.

“It’s okay,” I said. “We can stop for the day.”

“Kayda,” Jisung tried again, reaching for me across the console, but I brushed his hand away, unfastening my seatbelt before grabbing the door handle. “You did fine!” Jisung insisted as he hurried to catch up to me. 

“I might as well ask my neighbor if she’ll keep driving us,” I said, pausing outside the door to my house. “I’m sorry about today. It wasn’t that fun.”

“I had a blast,” Jisung said, whining when I slapped his arm.

“You don’t need to lie.”

“Seriously, Kayda,” Jisung said, shuffling forward with slight trepidation. “I like hanging out with you.”

“Even if I tried to kill us?”

“We were never in danger,” Jisung scoffed, playfully moving in to ruffle my hair.

“Hey!” I protested.

“Keep practicing,” Jisung said. “Promise me you won’t give up.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I huffed impatiently.

“Kayda...”

“Fine,” I relented. “But it’s your fault when I crash.”

The following day at school, I walked into my first-period class while mindlessly adjusting the buttons on my coat sleeve. My thoughts were occupied, which probably explained why I was so caught off-guard when I first heard his voice. I startled in the doorway, eyes growing wide when I realized Changbin was sitting at my usual table at the back of the room, a smirk pasted on his lips.

I clutched tightly to the shoulder straps of my bag, watching Changbin pull out the chair next to him, a clear invitation. I rolled my eyes but unwittingly started for the back of the room, ignoring the expressions of shock and confusion on my classmates’ faces. “You could make a bigger scene next time,” I grumbled, tossing my bag into the floor as I slouched down next to Changbin.

“You’re not more excited to see me, Reynolds?” Changbin smirked. “I transferred into this class just for you.”

“Great,” I droned sarcastically, impatiently urging the clock to move faster.

“Seems pretty boring,” Changbin remarked, fingering the edges of his brand new textbook, a stark contradiction to my well-used offering.

“I need it for my academic cluster,” I said, trying to ignore the way his arm fell across the back of my chair.

“Basketball workouts start soon,” Changbin reminded me as if I could have possibly forgotten.

“I know.”

“And as friends...” Changbin trailed off, raising one questioning brow, “some of my teammates and I spend time practicing at the park on the weekends.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“You should join us, Reynolds.”

I eyed Changbin cautiously. “Why?”

“Because,” he enunciated, gazing at me entreatingly, “we’re friends, right?”

“So you say,” I muttered, tersely bouncing my leg under the table, anxious for our teacher to arrive and end this mundane conversation.

“Saturday afternoon,” Changbin said, nodding in satisfaction. “I can pick you up around noon?”

“I don’t remember agreeing to this.”

“Well, consider it an open invitation.”

“That I decline.”

“Reynolds,” Changbin whined, “Felix will be there.”

“I didn’t know Felix was on the basketball team,” I said, growing more and more self-conscious of the way his fingers would occasionally graze against my spine.

“It’s more of friendly competition.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine, but peer pressure isn’t cool.”

“You’ll love it, Reynolds.”

I sighed because his reassurances weren’t inciting the excitement he was probably hoping for.

Message from Seo Changbin:

I’m outside, Reynolds.

“Mom, I’ll be back before dinner,” I called out into the kitchen on the way out the door.

As promised, Changbin was waiting in his car. “Reynolds,” he greeted me when I was situated inside. “You should start answering my messages.”

“Yeah,” I scoffed, fastening my seatbelt. “Let me put that on the list.”

Changbin grinned, leaning back in his leather seat as he turned on the radio. Both windows were rolled down, allowing fresh air to circulate through the car. It was still hot, but the breeze helped counter the sweat starting to perspire on my skin, even if it was a bad combination with his expense seats.

“No AC?” I muttered.

“Nature isn’t enough for you?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I grumbled, frowning at the way he laughed at the expense of my comfort. Thankfully, the drive wasn’t very long and we finally pulled into the parking lot a mere fifteen minutes later.

“You ready, Reynolds?” Changbin teased, choosing to ignore my glare as he started up the well-worn path to the courts where everyone else was already waiting. I hesitantly followed his footsteps, only allowing a reluctant smile when I saw Felix and Hyujin talking together with two unfamiliar faces. “This way,” Changbin suddenly directed, pulling me towards the group of boys with a surprisingly powerful grip. “This is Seungmin,” Changbin said, patting the boy in question roughly on the back. “And Jeongin.”

“Hi,” Jeongin offered, an adorable smile permanently in place as he politely welcomed me. 

“They’re both Freshmen,” Felix explained. “They’re trying out for the team this year.”

“Oh,” I nodded quickly. “Good luck, then.”

“They don’t need it,” Changbin scoffed, teasingly ruffling Jeongin’s hair to which the younger boy protested half-heartedly.

“Let’s pick teams,” Felix said, nodding at Changbin. “You can go first.”

Changbin took a step back, calling out for the other players. I lingered close to Felix, weary of the other boys joining our group, especially when it became clear that I was the only girl invited to play. Changbin rubbed his hands together, making a show of perusing his options. I rolled my eyes since it was obvious he would pick one of the older and more experienced boys. Yet, despite my absolute certainty, Changbin proved me wrong once again when his eyes landed on me. “Come on, Reynolds.”

I did my best to avoid looking completely stupefied while I ordered my feet to start working, falling behind Changbin while he and Felix continued rounding out their respective teams. “Again?” Hyunjin whined when he and Minho were the only two players left.

“I pick Minho,” Changbin said, smirking at the furious look Hyunjin wore as he stormed over to Felix’s side. “Let’s play!”

The sun was starting to set by the time everyone agreed to end the last game. I breathed out heavily, hands behind my hand as I tried to pull in more oxygen for my suffering lungs. It was difficult work keeping up with nine competitive teenage boys, but I was proud of my efforts, especially when it seemed like I was holding my own surprisingly well. “Not bad, Reynolds,” Changbin remarked after our team secured our first win courtesy of my well-timed jump shot.

“I’m surprised you passed it to me,” I admitted because, quite frankly, Changbin seemed to go out of his way to include me in every play. 

“You’re better than you give yourself credit for,” he said, winking at me playfully before lining up at the half-court line to start the next game. By the end of our session, my team had won 3 out of the 4 games we managed to play under the remaining sunlight. And I’m half-way convinced that Changbin missed the final three on purpose just to allow Felix’s team one victory, even if it meant listening to Hyunjin brag about their superior endurance. 

“How considerate,” I remarked to Changbin after the play.

He threw an arm around my shoulders to which I wrinkled my nose and complained about the proximity. “I’m a nice guy,” Changbin said and I despised the way I leaned in closer, an unconscious movement. “Ready to go home?” I managed a nod, ignoring the way he laughed at my speechlessness. 

I trailed behind Changbin as we walked to his car, pausing at the trunk to throw in our gym bags. And my eyes widened in surprise when Changbin reached down for the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it over his head before tucking the drenched fabric into the waistband of his gym shorts. “What?” Changbin questioned, frowning at the obvious way my mouth gaped open.

“Nothing,” I said quickly, looking away despite how difficult it was proving to be with Changbin growing even closer.

“Good game, Reynolds,” Changbin said, and I did my best to avoid looking at his bare chest. 

“R-right,” I stuttered, blinking rapidly. “It was fun.”

Changbin’s resounding laughter was surprisingly endearing, eyes following me the entire time I entered his car.

October

Autumn was approaching which meant the days were growing shorter while a frigid cold was starting to settle, leaves falling in delicate shades of red and orange. The change in season was always expected, and I appreciated the break from the unforgiving summer months, the sun bearing down as I was often forced to retreat inside for fear of an unpleasant sunburn. But the weather wasn’t the only thing changing recently, and I knew something was wrong with Jisung, but he refused to tell me anything. “Everything’s fine,” he often reassured me, but the sentiment didn’t quite reach his eyes and his smile was forced as he talked to our other classmates.

I wanted him to trust me more, to willingly tell me whatever it was that was weighing heavily on his heart. And I did my best to find the answers, meeting him in the afternoons after school, hoping to show him that I was a reliable confidant. Yet, each subsequent day flew by with no promise of the conversation I desperately wanted.

And this afternoon, in particular, was proving to be no different.

“I’m a better choice than your neighbor, right?” Jisung asked as he drove us to my house.

I nodded as an acknowledgement, too tired to offer a coherent reply, a result of morning basketball workouts that drained my energy right along with regular classes. These days, Jisung had started taking me home from school as opposed to my neighbor. I was glad for the change, especially since it meant I could spend some time with Jisung. 

“Tired?” he asked and I offered a delicate yawn.

“Basketball is tiring,” I said, pulling myself away from the window to look at Jisung. “You seem tired too.”

“There’s a lot going on,” Jisung offered vaguely and I pursed my lips as I considered his vague response.

We were both quiet for the remainder of the drive, and Jisung pulled into my driveway with a loud sigh. “Let’s stay outside.”

“Okay,” I agreed, watching him carefully now because I could always tell when someone was feeling burdened by an unpleasant truth. Nonetheless, I took Jisung to the backyard where I stole some blankets from the basement and spread them out along the grass. Jisung sat down on top of the worn fabric, fingering the holes at the edges before reaching out to pluck a sunflower free from its stem. “You don’t seem as happy these days,” I remarked, studying the way Jisung’s fingers brushed across the delicate petals of the flower he held.

“What makes you say that?” he asked, face shadowed by the way the sun hits the side of his profile. 

“Nothing,” I said softly. “Do you want to do some work?”

“Will you help me with my essay?”

“Only if you promise me a massage because my shoulders are dying.”

“Deal,” Jisung agreed, managing a smile while he reached for his bag. Together, we worked diligently in the backyard as we attempted to conquer our matching piles of homework. Basketball was a recurring distraction, often forcing me to stay up late at night to complete assignments since I lost time during the day to work on essays about dead poets.

“You’re not as talkative,” I said, choosing my words carefully.

“It’s my mom,” Jisung said and I was surprised by his willing openness.

“And?”

Jisung picked another sunflower, holding it up to his eyes as he twirled the delicate stem between his elegant fingers. “She’s dying.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that and a painful silence fell between us.

November

Basketball tryouts were proving to be a substantial blow to my meager social life. I could barely find time to talk to Jisung, and I never forced him to wait for me in the afternoons anymore because tryouts could continue for hours. In the meantime, Changbin was more than willing to drive me home, especially since he liked to flaunt his shiny new license around school for everyone to notice. 

But I missed my drives with Jisung, and I missed the way he always seemed to make the days a little less stressful. I wanted to talk to him, and I knew my best opportunity would be this coming Friday because tryouts would end early and I could ask him to wait for me in the parking lot without feeling guilty. Of course, telling Changbin about my change in transportation was a dramatic affair. “Why not, Reynolds?” Changbin pouted, blocking me at my locker after our shared morning class despite my attempts to evade him.

“I have something else to do,” I said, wishing he could be more amiable for once and just let it go.

Graciously, the bell for classes proved to be a wonderful distraction and Changbin reluctantly allowed me to flee quietly to my Chemistry class without any more protest. For the remainder of the day, I could only focus on the clock, urging the stubborn minute hand to move faster. All I had to do was finish out tryouts successfully and I could finally have some time with Jisung. 

The afternoon bell rang loudly in my ears as I hurried to the locker room, changing into my practice clothes quickly. Of course, such rapid preparation wasn’t entirely necessary since I still had to make it through the last day of tryouts, but my mind was somewhere else. Even so, my impending meeting with Jisung didn’t inhibit me from doing my absolute best, breathing out heavily as I scrimmaged with my teammates, ignoring the watchful eyes of my coach as she studied our plays. 

By the end of practice, I was more than ready for the stress of tryouts to be over with because I was exhausted both mentally and physically. Thoughts of Jisung didn’t help, which had returned full force now that my attention wasn’t occupied by basketball. Instead, I impatiently tapped my foot against the court as I waited for coach to announce final cuts.

“Okay,” coach said, carefully posting the team roster to the board outside her office. “For those of you who made it, I’ll see you Monday afternoon.”

Normally, I was never one to rush to the front to see my name, but Jisung was waiting which meant my sharp elbows were now a weapon to help me fight to the roster. I breathed a silent sigh of relief when I found my name near the top, quickly shoving my way back through the crowd of my potential teammates. 

I practically sprinted to the parking lot, ignoring the ache in my thighs courtesy of detestable shooting drills. But I smiled through the pain when I saw Jisung already inside his car, eyes watching me carefully as I ran the rest of the way to where he was parked. “I’m guessing you made the team,” Jisung teased after I was settled inside.

“Oh, yeah...” I trailed off, finding myself unable to tell Jisung the real reason behind my enthusiasm.

Jisung smirked, switching on the ignition before carefully navigating us onto the main road. “You said you wanted to talk?”

I nodded, taking a deep breath to settle my nerves. “I wanted to apologize.���

“Apologize?”

“For my reaction when you told me about your mom,” I said, shaking my head. “I didn’t really know what to say.”

“It’s okay,” Jisung said gently. “Most people don’t.”

“Is she okay right now?” I asked cautiously, keeping Jisung’s profile in my peripheral vision.

“You can come home with me,” Jisung suggested, eyes still trained forward. “To see my mom.”

I nodded without an ounce of hesitation. “Okay.”

I had never been to Jisung’s house before so my eyes were wide as I took in the simple one-story building, walking up the front porch steps to wait as Jisung wrestled his key in the lock. “She’s probably in her room,” Jisung told me, quietly leading me through the small living room and down a narrow hallway.

A door at the end was slightly ajar, and Jisung ushered me closer as he allowed me to walk inside first. “Hey, mom,” Jisung said, greeting the frail woman sitting up against a tall mountain of pillows. “Do you need anything?”

The woman shook her head, hollow eyes leaving Jisung to find me standing nervously in the doorway. “Who is this?”

Jisung smiled and encouraged me closer. “This is my friend.”

“What’s your name?” his mother asked, smile brighter than anything I had ever seen before. The only thing comparable would be Jisung himself who always proved to be an endless supply of the purest kind of light.

“Kayda,” I said, uncharacteristically shy.

“You’re beautiful,” she said, urging me closer while glancing over at Jisung who was now busy pouring water at the nightstand. “My son is very lucky.”

My cheeks heated as soon as I understood the implications of her observation. “Oh, I-”

“-Mom,” Jisung quietly interrupted, handing his mother one of the glasses. She accepted it gratefully, offering me a playful wink which only made my smile fall completely.

“I hate Mondays,” one of my new teammates muttered as she lounged on the bleachers with me after the conclusion of a brutal practice session.

“Tell me about,” I said, staring up at the ceiling. After meeting Jisung’s mom, I had returned home with a heavy heart, unable to find the courage to tell her that Jisung and I weren’t anything more than friends.

“Seo Changbin,” my teammate sighed and I instantly turned my head, watching the boy in question enter the gym with his friends. “Aren’t the two of you dating?”

“No,” I muttered out tersely, resuming my observation of the ceiling even though I could feel Changbin’s gaze from across the court.

And it was only a moment or two later when I heard his voice. “Reynolds,” he said, grinning down at me as he climbed the bleachers. My teammate let out a tired sigh, studying the two of us before allowing us the privacy that I didn’t really need. “Is this comfortable?” he asked, taking my teammate’s spot as he spread his 5’6’’ frame across the bleachers.

“It’s fine,” I said dismissively.

“I saw you guys practicing earlier,” Changbin said, never one to take a hint even if it was waiting right in front of him.

“Did you?”

“You looked good out there, Reynolds,” Changbin said, reaching up to tap his fingers on my thigh. “You’re faster than everyone else.”

“Gee, thanks,” I muttered, wondering if it would be too obvious if I sat up to leave...But that might be too abrupt.

“Are you sticking around for our practice?” he asked with a hopeful tone.

“I’m going home with my neighbor,” I said.

“You should stay one time,” Changbin continued. “I learned a lot about basketball just by watching games on TV with my dad.”

I frowned because I did the same thing. “Aren’t you supposed to be with your teammates?”

“Not yet,” Changbin said. “This is my special way of building anticipation.”

“Isn’t that too arrogant?”

“It’s called confidence,” Changbin said instead. “You’ll be leading your team too, especially if you keep improving.”

His comment was surprisingly touching.  “Is this what you tell all your friends?”

“Just the ones who deserve it,” Changbin said earnestly, allowing a relaxed sigh. “You know, Reynolds,” Changbin grinned. “I think you’re the best player on the Varsity team.”

His words were unexpected and I was caught off-guard by my own smile. “Why is that?”

“There doesn’t need to be a reason,” Changbin said. “I’ve watched you play before.”

“Is that so?”

“Of course,” Changbin said, turning his head slightly to meet my gaze. “But 

I think that some of your teammates are jealous.”

“I know they are.”

“If they give you any problems, you let me know,” he said, holding up his pinky for me which I allowed to wrap around my own, sealing his promise.

December

I found Jisung lingering outside my first-period classroom, arms folded over his chest as he leaned against the doorway. It was obvious that he was waiting for me, so I carefully made my way through the crowded hallways to anticipate his forthcoming dialogue. “Kayda,” he smirked, nodding his head in my direction. “I’ve been looking for you.”

“My neighbor was late this morning,” I said. “Something about an argument with her sister.”

“You won’t have to worry about that when you get your own license,” Jisung said, managing a ghost of his alluring smile. 

“I know,” I grumbled because my driving ineptitude was still a sore spot of conversation. “Did you need to talk?”

“I have something to ask you,” he agreed, demeanor shifting as he suddenly appeared a lot less eager than before. Uncertain. “It’s a lot to ask of you.”

I squinted my eyes, suddenly curious. “Well?”

“My mom has a lot of family in the mountains,” he said, eyes searching mine slowly. “But it’s been kinda hard this year to get together, especially since my mom’s diagnosis.”

“I’m sorry,” I murmured softly, to which he attempted to shrug indifferently, even if the emotion was evident in his expression. “We usually visit around Christmas.”

“You can’t go this year?” I guessed, trying to empathize with Jisung’s circumstances.

“That’s not it,” Jisung said, gazing at me entreatingly. “I want you to come with us.”

I paused at the request, trying to understand the implications. “Why?”

“You make things easier,” Jisung said and I softened immediately at his words.

“I’ll ask my parents,” I told him, suddenly feeling an intense desire to satisfy his request. “I’m sure they won’t mind.”

“Thank you, Kayda,” Jisung smiled and it was the type of all-encompassing sunshine that always managed to warm my heart.

Basketball practice was excruciatingly difficult that afternoon. Our coach was preparing for this weekend’s basketball tournament, an annual precursor to winter vacation that both students and players alike looked forward to with anticipation. Our school was always expected to perform at the highest level of athleticism, frequently moving through the tournament bracket to the final round of scheduled play. It was a cherished tradition that always managed to fuel my coach’s desire to include as many sprints in a single session as one could manage before players were forced to rush to the bathroom to lose whatever food was still in their stomachs.

“Nice job, ladies,” she nodded at the end of our time. “I want everyone at the gym early on Saturday.”

A dozen or so nods of agreement before we were officially dismissed. Which meant the boy’s team immediately started for their turn at the court, leaving a few of my fellow players flushed with nervous giggles. It also meant the arrival of Seo Changbin who never missed an opportunity to grace me with his presence. “Reynolds,” he said, panting a little from his brisk jog over. He had learned that I tried to leave practice early, stuffing my belongings into my gym bag in the hopes of escaping before he had a chance to utter a single consonant of my last name. “I’ve been trying to find you all day.”

“It can’t be that difficult,” I huffed. “You memorized my schedule.”

“But this is important,” he said while hurriedly shuffling through the small binder in his hands, finding the appropriate form. “I’m doing a co-ed basketball camp over break,” Changbin said, forcefully shoving the paper at me. “You could always come too, Reynolds.”

I smoothed out the crinkled sheet, reading across the invitation. “Where did you find this?”

“Coach showed it to me,” Changbin said. “But I thought of you.”

“How considerate,” I snickered before quickly remembering my promise to Jisung. “I don’t think I’ll be able to go.”

“Oh,” Changbin responded, face falling as he rocked back and forth in front of me. “That’s okay, Reynolds. I guess I’ll see you after break instead.”

I watched him carefully because I didn’t like the way my heart broke a little at his simple acquiescence.

Jisung came to pick me up early at my house on the morning of our scheduled trip to the mountains. My entire body was still sore, muscles screaming in agonizing protest as I forced myself to grab my bags and trudge down the hallway. My mom greeted me in the kitchen, handing me a couple of Ibuprofen which I gratefully accepted. 

I couldn’t remember the last time I had been in so much pain. And I didn’t know if it was entirely due to the demanding tournament in which my team had finished runner-up or the fact that Jisung was taking me to see his family like we were something more than friends. I mean, doesn’t it qualify as relationship-status when the attractive guy who frequently treated you to frozen milkshakes takes you home with him?

“You look nervous,” Jisung remarked, appearing entirely at ease behind the wheel of his car.

“Maybe a little,” I said in return, refusing to offer more details. 

“Why?” Jisung asked. “It’s just my family, Kayda. I promise we aren’t ruthless drug lords or something.”

“I’d hate to understand how your mind works,” I said, gazing out the window because the land had transformed around us, smooth plains turning into rising hills- a series of dips like a roller coaster. 

“You should know by now,” Jisung said, smirking. “I’m kinda weird.”

I scoffed at the comment. “I think your problem is the missing filter between your mouth and brain. Do you ever think about what you’re going to say?”

“No,” Jisung shrugged. “But sometimes you don’t either.”

“Really?” I immediately questioned. “This coming from the guy who swore that he saw a shark swim upstream in a freshwater river coming home from his last excursion to New York’s Comic-Con.”

“Point taken.” 

Message From Seo Changbin:

You know they make this thing called FaceTime, right? Anytime you want to see my pretty face, you know what to do.

Jisung’s family cabin was modest, but that didn’t take away from the beauty surrounding the two-story structure. The woods were gorgeous with the faint remnants of snow blanketing the ground, melting into cool rivulets that flowed steadily between makeshift canals. The sun filtered through the trees to throw an interesting contradiction of light and shadow over the empty foliage. 

“Well?” Jisung prodded, pulling me closer by my shoulder. His coat brushed against mine, rustling the fabric between us.

“It’s nice,” I said, studying the picturesque-sight while Jisung led me to the front porch, stomping his boots off on the crusty welcome mat faded and worn from years of use.

I swallowed hard when the door opened and an elderly woman stepped outside, letting out an impossible shriek as she went to collect Jisung’s puffy cheeks between wrinkled hands. “Jisungie! So handsome.”

“This is my aunt,” Jisung said, cautiously pulling back from the hands holding him hostage. “Merida, this is my friend, Kayda.”

“Hello,” I said, holding out a hand in greeting which apparently catalyzed an even stronger reaction from the woman whose arms constricted around my middle without so much as a warning.

Jisung was visibly embarrassed as he offered me an apologetic look. Meanwhile, I struggled to figure out what I needed to do with my hands as Merida commented on how long my hair was. “I used to have long hair,” she said, finally releasing me. “Yours is so beautiful!”

“Oh, thank you,” I managed, wincing when she let out another squeak, grabbing my hand because she desperately needed to introduce me. “Everyone! Come meet, Kayda!”

I struggled to locate Jisung while I was moved from person to person, matching names to the faces of various aunts and uncles, grandparents and grandchildren, and those rather annoying cousins who promised me that they were a lot better than Jisung. I frowned at their blatant rudeness but chose not to comment because I didn’t want to say more than necessary. Because this was Jisung’s family and, whatever our relationship now meant between us, I didn’t want to leave a poor impression.

Jisung’s mother found me last, situated in an upright position on a bed in one of the upstairs rooms. “Kayda,” she murmured softly, grabbing my hands between hers and ushering me onto the bed. “How was your trip? Do you like the cabin?”

“It’s lovely,” I told her, glancing up at the sound of a creaking board, relieved to see Jisung standing there watching the two of us. 

“We’re not old fashioned you know,” his mother continued, a conspiratorial smile on her face. “We can let you two share a room.”

“Mom,” Jisung whined, saving me from any further surprises by graciously excusing the two of us. “Sorry,” he whispered to me in the hallway. “They’re just really excited.”

“It’s okay,” I said, even though I did feel a little irritated that Jisung hadn’t bothered to prepare me more.

“We don’t have to share a bed or anything,” Jisung said. “I can sleep on the air mattress.”

“Thank you,” I said, glancing back at the closed door. “Do you want to see her alone?”

Jisung nodded. “You can stay in our room for now.”

I waited until Jisung had closed the door behind him before mustering up enough courage to ask one of his rude cousins to show me where I was staying.

Message to Han Jisung

Where are you?

Message from Han Jisung

Outside.

The leaves crunched loudly beneath my feet as I walked across the front lawn, searching for Jisung. His response to my message had been vague as if he really didn’t want to be found, but that only worried me for his well-being. The sun was setting low against the backdrop of the mountain peaks, breaking the rays of light in dramatic patterns. I inhaled the crisp, cold air with a satisfied sigh, stuffing my hands in my pockets to prevent my fingertips from growing numb. In actuality, I quite liked it up here, admiring the simplicity of the natural splendor. Maybe I could move to the mountains one day in the future, living in a cabin like Jisung’s because it was quite nice compared to the city.

I paused at the edge of a trail, squinting against the dying light. Even if my eyes were not made to accommodate easy viewing at night, I could still make out Jisung sitting at a wooden picnic table alone. I glanced back at the cabin, noting the light on over the porch before walking down the path, careful to mind the jutting rocks and arched roots rising from the ground.

“Jisung?” 

His voice was hoarse, tears still discernible even if everything else was losing focus. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have a reason to be.”

I climbed onto the bench next to him, leaving very little space between our bodies. Jisung sniffled as he leaned in closer to me, watching the sunset against the backdrop of the skeleton trees. 

“Is it your mom?”

“Yeah.”

I nodded because there wasn’t anything left to say.

Message from Seo Changbin:

We can still have conversations over break, you know?

Jisung and I eventually made our way back inside the cabin once the sun was completely gone, leaving the half-moon at its post. “You’re so cold,” Jisung said, curling his fingers through mine.

My limbs were stiff, joints aching as I followed Jisung back up the trail, drawn to the light of the cabin like a delicate moth. “Are you okay?” I asked, the question lingering between us while Jisung opened the door.

“I will be,” he whispered in return.

“I’m always here,” I told him, anxiously worried that Jisung might break down at any moment, and I didn’t think I could handle that. Because Jisung was sunshine, and I was the desperate tree growing at all sorts of angles just to feel his light.

Our room was relatively small and Jisung’s cousins had taken the air mattress earlier despite my condemnation. “We can share the bed,” I said, tone uncertain as I pulled back the sheets.

“Yeah?” Jisung said, watching me as I threw off my coat before making myself comfortable on the bed.

“Come on,” I ushered him, holding up the sheet and allowing Jisung to lie down next to me.

“Thank you, Kayda,” Jisung said, nose brushing mine from our close proximity. “You’ve done a lot for me.”

“Well, you had to suffer through my bad driving.”

Jisung chuckled and I savored the sound, the deep rumbling from his chest which was crowded against my hands. “You mean a lot to me.”

I froze next to him, eyes trying to make out his features in the dark room. But Jisung remained a mystery, an imperceivable canvas which was growing closer with every thunderous beat of my heart. His breath was warm, short pants from his mouth which cooled against mine. Jisung’s lips were incredibly soft, a stark contrast to the unwavering grip his fingers kept as they dug into my jaw to direct my movements. I trembled at the first touch, the smooth caress of his tongue against my bottom lip, a sensual question which I answered by parting my lips for him, allowing him access to the deepest parts of me that only his rays could touch. My eyes fluttered open, able to make out his own now that we were in such intimate proximity. Jisung’s gaze was filled with adoration and I could so easily lose myself in an earnest gaze, but that was impossible to do when all I could think about was Changbin.

January

Message from Seo Changbin:

You ignored me over break, Reynolds. Can you at least spare some time at school?

January was one of those impossible months to predict because it was either even colder than December or manageably warm which was still problematic since Climate Change was an ever-present threat. I woke up that morning and checked the temperate, deeming it to be somewhere in between those extremes. I had arrived home sometime over the weekend which meant my bags were still unpacked and I had no idea where my new gloves had disappeared.

I was running late for class when I finally arrived at school thanks to my mother who had the day off. I stopped by my locker to briefly exchange textbooks, erroneously almost leaving my homework stuffed into the bottom of my three-ring binder. “Reynolds.”

I groaned when I heard the familiar husk to his voice. “I’m late.”

“Is your phone not working?”

“It’s fine.”

“Well,” Changbin said, “if you had answered, then I wouldn’t need to here.” 

“You still don’t need to be here.”

“How was your break?” Changbin asked, refusing to acknowledge my comment while standing against the lockers next to mine.

“Cold,” I said, refusing to even acknowledge the issue of Han Jisung and the kiss we shared in his tiny cabin bedroom.

Changbin sighed wistfully. “I told you, Reynolds, you would have had a better time with me.”

I chose to scoff at his comment. “How would you know?”

“I’m insulted, Reynolds,” Changbin said, fanning his fingers out against his broad chest. “You would’ve loved the camp. The arena is really nice at Christmas.”

“Just as friends,” I said, watching Changbin from the corner of my eye. “You’re making this sound romantic, Changbin, considering the fact that we’re only friends.”

Changbin’s eyes dropped from mine. “I know that, Reynolds. You like to remind me every day.”

I slammed my locker closed, feeling something akin to guilt. “Sorry.”

“Did something happen, Reynolds?” he asked, peering up at me cautiously like he knew he was overstepping our boundaries.

“Nothing happened,” I said quickly, stepping around him because I suddenly really needed to go to class and Changbin was crowding me.

Avoiding Jisung was becoming something of a habit, peeking cautiously around corners, staggering into class at the last minute in case he might be waiting in the doorway. And I know it was terrible to ignore Jisung, but I still had no idea how I could possibly talk to him after the kiss. Coincidentally, it only drove me closer to Changbin who was perfectly willing to drive me home after school or invite me out on the weekends. I quickly came to the conclusion that I was using Changbin to fill the places in my life that Jisung had previously occupied, not that Changbin minded in the slightest.

“Your house?” I questioned into the phone, my hand pausing over the popcorn bowl waiting between my legs. Recently, I had started to accept his incoming phone calls and even dial his number a time or two because Changbin was actually quite useful when it came to Algebraic Equations.

“Why not?” Changbin returned. “I have a lot of cool games we could try.”

It sounded like it meant a lot more to him, but I didn’t bother looking past the surface. “Will there be food?”

“Is that a yes, Reynolds?”

“Changbin.”

“Whatever you want, Reynolds.”

“Are you picking me up?”

“Give me ten minutes.”

Changbin’s house was fresh out of the Notebook, an old-school antebellum mansion that probably cost more than the entire town. And because it was Changbin’s house, I got to hear a thorough backstory concerning its history, meaning Changbin’s great-great-grandfather or whatever had likely never anticipated someone like me stepping across the marble-tiled floors. “What do you think, Reynolds?” Changbin asked, looking at me like my answer might change his entire life which was ridiculous because Changbin had probably impressed plenty of people.

“I like it,” I said, perhaps making Changbin’s entire year if the impressive smile he wore was anything to go by.

“The game room is upstairs.”

And it took up an entire section of the house, resembling some kind of futuristic arcade where a quarter in the machine meant relaxing in fine luxury chairs while playing an unreleased version of Final Fantasy with an espresso in hand. “Want anything?” Changbin asked from the bar.

“Surprise me,” I said, running my fingers against the side of the air hockey table that was spotlessly clean. 

“What do you want to play?” Changbin asked, handing me a glass of water. A simple exchange that nonetheless meant a whole lot more to me than I thought. Suddenly, I was far too excited, surrounded by Changbin’s extravagant wealth. 

“Everything.”

February

When Jisung was absent from school for an entire week, I knew something was wrong. Yet, no matter how many messages I directed to his phone, a response notification never lit up my phone screen. Was it partially my fault? Since I had done a remarkable job of avoiding him for an entire month.

“Why do you look so down?” my teammate asked as we lounged together on the bleachers, a regular occurrence. 

“Jisung hasn’t been answering any of my messages.”

“I didn’t think you guys were friends anymore.”

“Oh,” I said, clearing my throat. “What made you think that?”

“Haven’t seen you together since Christmas break. Figured you probably came to your senses and started fucking Changbin.”

“I’m not dating Changbin,” I said, but there was a little less venom behind my usual conviction. “Jisung and I weren’t a couple anyway.”

“Well, maybe he has something else on his mind.”

“I guess.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it, even if your little love triangle was super entertaining to watch.”

“There’s no love triangle.”

“Personally, I’m rooting for Changbin to win but a couple girls on the team are thinking that Jisung is the endgame for sure.”

Had my life really become so complicated?

February 14th was a rueful day and I despised the commercial aspect to a holiday that had no real purpose in existing. Nevertheless, I wasn’t entirely negative because starting tomorrow, Walmart’s candy would be on sale and I could buy enough to last me until Easter.

Of course, for a lot of other people, Valentine’s day meant a lot, especially those mushy couples who probably secretly loathed one another and the idea of parting with more than 20 bucks for flowers. Still, I guess there was some merit in showing affection for someone you cared about. Sadly, I didn’t really know what that meant since I never got the experience.

I arrived early to class, a change of pace which meant I was sitting alone at my usual table with Changbin. Perhaps he wouldn’t show up at all, deciding to stay at home simply because of a sudden whim’s notice. And that would be perfectly acceptable to me, but I could never get so lucky.

“Reynolds,” Changbin said, standing behind me at our table and I didn’t have the strength to push him away.

“What?”

“It’s Valentine’s day,” Changbin reminded me, gently depositing a single red rose in front of me.

The gesture was surprising and it elicited a strange reaction because I couldn’t stop myself from touching the smooth petals. “Really?”

“Let’s go for milkshakes after school.”

I smiled because I actually loved the idea and couldn’t believe Changbin wanted something so simplistic. I was half-expecting a giant display of balloons waiting for my outside or a banner draped across the front of the school with my name written in big bold letters. But I got nothing like that and it was incredibly touching. “Okay.”

Jisung came back the next week and I could no longer find it in me to avoid the inevitable. I cornered him after class one afternoon, clutching tightly to the straps of my book bag. “Jisung.”

He turned around with a start, eyes widening in obvious surprise to see me standing there. “Kayda?”

“You were gone last week,” I said, glancing up at him sheepishly. “Is your mom alright?”

Jisung sighed, shoulders falling as his entire body seemed to collapse under the weight of his burden. “We had a scare, but she’s back home now.”

“I’m glad,” I told him sincerely. “Neither of you deserve this.”

“It always happens to the best people,” Jisung said, somewhat bitterly as he closed his locker door.

“I’m sorry for avoiding you,” I said, flushing at the apology. “I didn’t know what to say after what happened before.”

“You mean the kiss?” Jisung guessed, eyeing me curiously. “Did I do something wrong?”

“It was unexpected,” I said. “Since we’re just friends.”

Jisung took a long time to respond and I grew more and more anxious as I waited for his response. “I understand.”

But his tone was cold.

March

Message from Seo Changbin:

Come over, Reynolds.

“You’re heavy,” I complained, pushing against his shoulder as he leaned more of his weight against mine.

Changbin laughed, seemingly amused at my struggles. “I like you though.”

I huffed loudly, allowing him to lay his head in my lap, gazing up at me with mischievous brown eyes. “Do you even want to watch the movie?”

“I’ve seen Fast and Furious,” Changbin said, eyeing the movie from the corner of his eye with disinterest. 

“Why did you recommend it, then?”

“Because you wanted to see it,” Changbin said. “But you can watch this in real life, anyway. I can take my car down to the track.”

“Good for you.”

Changbin smirked, tongue-in-cheek as he returned his attention to me. “Learned how to drive yet, Reynolds?”

I frowned. “No.”

“It’s not hard,” Changbin said. “Didn’t Han Jisung teach you?”

His tone was bitter. “He tried.”

“Probably not hard enough,” Changbin said, lifting himself up from my lap. “Do you want me to try?”

“I’m impossible.”

“Well,” Changbin grinned, “I kinda like a challenge.”

Changbin’s car was far too expensive for my inexperienced hands and I was shivering as I started the ignition. “Relax, Reynolds,” Changbin said from the passenger seat, appearing entirely at ease.

“What do I do?” I asked him in a panic, but Changbin merely reached down for the gear shift.

“Put it in drive.”

My fingers were shaking, tightening with a vice grip around the poor instrument. My foot was pressed down hard against the break, mind blanking the longer I questioned myself, especially with Changbin watching me. “I’m sorry,” I said, taking a deep breath as I pulled the gear shift back, letting off the brake to press down on the gas. 

The car immediately lurched backward and I panicked, applying even more pressure to the gas pedal before realizing I had put the car into reverse instead of drive. The resounding sound of the mailbox behind me snapping beneath the weight of Changbin’s fancy sports car was impossibly loud. I fought back tears as I apologized repeatedly, managing to put the car back into park as I studied the ruined mailbox in the side view mirror.

“So what, Reynolds?” Changbin shrugged, seemingly unbothered by the destruction.

I looked at him in disbelief. “You can’t seriously be okay with that?”

“It didn’t hurt anybody,” Changbin said. “If you start to worry about everything you do wrong, then it’s even harder.”

I held tightly to the steering wheel. “Should I try again?”

“Why not?” Changbin shrugged. “This is more fun than I was expecting.”

“Driving isn’t supposed to be fun,” I said. “It’s serious.”

“Kayda, you sound like one of those scary-ass educational videos they make us watch in Driver’s Ed.”

“And?”

“Try to enjoy it more,” Changbin said. “You don’t have to be so tense when  you’re driving.”

I let out a deep breath, my hand reaching back down for the gear shift. I relaxed a little when I felt Changbin’s hand on top of mine, guiding me through the movements as the car started to roll forward. “Is it too fast?” I asked, failing to keep the panic from my tone.

“You’re doing great, Reynolds,” Changbin said, leaning over to steady his other hand against my splayed out fingers on the wheel. “There’s nothing difficult about it.”

I was trembling now for a different reason, but Changbin didn’t need to know about that.

April

Jisung was ignoring me, which meant I had to ask Changbin to drive me to my scheduled test, anxiously fidgeting in his leather seat during the entire drive. I had no time to worry about Jisung, even though I was deeply hurt by his indifference. Instead, all I could think about was my driving test and how horrible it would be to fail the computer questions because they were probably the easiest part.

“You worry too much, Reynolds,” Changbin remarked, pulling into the parking lot of the DMV.

“I can’t help it,” I told him.

“If I can pass this, then you can,” Changbin said. “You’re way smarter than me.”

“I don’t think it has much to do with intelligence,” I said, rubbing my hands together as I carefully opened his car door. 

“Don’t think too hard then,” Changbin grinned, faintly protesting when I reached across the console to smack his arm.

“What’s wrong with you! I’m having a small panic attack.”

“Yeah? Should I take you to the hospital?”

“You’re just asking for it,” I snapped, huffing indignantly when he started laughing. A nasal affair that would normally make me cringe.

“Why?” Changbin asked. “You know what your problem is, Reynolds? You take everything too seriously. Just relax for once.”

“But what if I fail?” I whined miserably.

“Then you take it again,” Changbin said. “I promise I won’t hold it against you forever.”

“I really hate you right now.”

FLASH!

I blinked my eyes, trying to rid my vision of those annoying black spots courtesy of the camera flash. Meanwhile, the obviously indifferent clerk clicked away at his computer screen. “Congratulations,” he said, tone completely void of any life as he handed me a tiny square of plastic. 

I couldn’t find it in myself to be annoyed with the DMV employee. After all, I was 90% sure that such an attitude was written in their handbook. But it really didn’t matter because I was holding my permit and it wasn’t some sort of crazy dream I had last night.

“Thank you,” I told him sincerely, even if the sentiment obviously meant nothing to him as he called for the next person in line.

I mustered just enough patience to walk at a normal pace through the musty office building until I was outside, finding Changbin leaning against the side of his sports car, sunglasses covering his eyes. The sight of him, however, broke down every last bit of self-control I had previously tried to maintain. “I passed!” I squealed, holding up my limited learner's permit for his eyes to see, desperately wanting to show him.

Changbin smirked as he took the permit from me. “What did I tell you, Reynolds? It’s not that hard.”

“You helped me so much,” I said, overcome with emotion, looking at him and, for the first time in my life, seeing past the arrogance and wealth, sarcastic comments and designer clothes. “Thank you.”

Changbin nodded, rolling his shoulders back as he took another step closer. “I get an award, right?” 

I gave him a questioning look, rolling my eyes when his finger tapped against the side of his cheek. “You can’t be serious.”

“It’s not a big deal, Reynolds,” Changbin whined.

I could always blame it on my mood, optimism bright as I grabbed Changbin’s shoulders to hold myself steady as I pressed my lips to the spot he had indicated. “Happy?”

Changbin didn’t respond, considering me with an expression that held a thousand different possibilities. His fingers were cold as they curled around my neck, thumbs digging into the skin at the base of my jaw. But his lips were warm, tentatively testing mine as he kissed me for the second time, leaving me with nothing but thoughts of Seo Changbin as I tasted spearmint gum when his tongue muscled its way inside.

May

Summer vacation meant classes were more trivial than usual, suffering through mindless lectures that meant nothing now that exams are over. But the school board insisted we stay until June. “Jisung’s ignoring me,” I told Changbin at lunch, locating the boy in question eating alone across the cafeteria.

Perhaps in the past, I’d never openly tell Changbin about any of my worries, but I was comfortable with him now and we understood each other a lot more than we did in the past. And he knew how much Jisung meant to me, although in a much different way than what I shared with Changbin. “Give him time,” he said, one hand on the back of my neck, massaging circles into the skin.

I shifted closer to Changbin, unconsciously seeking his warmth. “He’s going through a hard time alone.”

“He’s got family,” Changbin reminded me, gently pushing my tray closer. “But you need to eat, Reynolds.”

“That’s disgusting,” Felix quipped, turning his nose up at the two of us like he was too cool for such displays.

“Don’t be jealous,” Jeongin said, giggling like he was enjoying teasing Felix.

“Is it official, then?” Minho asked, leaning across the table despite Hyunjin’s attempts to move him out of the way. 

“You don’t have to put titles to everything,” I told Minho.

“That’s just a bullshit excuse,” Minho argued, insistent as he eyed the two of us up and down. “Well?”

“We’re together,” Changbin said, hand settling over mine. “Will that satisfy you?”

“Very much,” Minho nodded, sitting back to whip out his phone. “The school’s gossip site needed some more drama.”

“There’s no drama,” I grumbled, glaring at Minho as he hurriedly typed away on his tiny phone keyboard.

“There always is,” Hyunjin said with a dramatic flourish of his hands. “Minho makes sure of it.”

“Stay out of my relationship,” Changbin warned Minho, even if the older boy appeared completely undeterred by Changbin’s threat.

Changbin was unusually quiet after school that day, clutching tightly to my hand as he walked us to his car. “You’re never like this,” I said, rolling my eyes playfully when he opened my door.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Changbin said. “This is how I always act.”

“Sure,” I said, waiting for him to start the car before continuing. “I think you have something to tell me.”

Changbin tensed at my words. “What makes you say that?”

“You’re too easy to read,” I teased him, laughing when he threw me an unimpressed look.

“Do you want some music as a distraction?” I said. “Fill up the awkward silence while you find the confidence to ask me what must be a very difficult question.”

“And you think I’m rude,” Changbin grunted, even as his hand quickly started to mess with the radio display.

I pulled my phone from my pocket, finding Jisung’s contact even if it was a futile affair to get any sort of response from him lately. His texts were few and far in between and he usually only answered if I asked about his mother. But I genuinely cared about his family because Jisung was important to me and I desperately wanted things to resume normally between us. I couldn’t help but think that my new relationship status with Changbin might have a lot to do with his silence.

“Should we just text each other?” I asked Changbin when we pulled up to my house.

He killed the engine without a word. “It’s nothing bad.”

“I figured that,” I said, turning around to face him. “You have my undivided attention.”

Another beat of silence passed between us and then...“I’ll be gone for the summer,” Changbin admitted, glancing up at me nervously. “And it might be too soon to ask this.”

“What do you mean?”

Changbin sighed, running his fingers through his black hair. “You could come with us, Reynolds. If you really wanted to.”

“On your vacation?”

“It’s more like a get-away,” Changbin grinned. “But you can think of it like that.”

I considered him carefully because I knew Changbin was always serious when it came to me. “You’re right, it might be too soon.”

Changbin sighed but didn’t appear too downtrodden. “It’s alright, Reynolds. We’ll go as slow as you want.”

“I’d like that,” I said, allowing him to lean across the middle to kiss me to his heart’s content.

June

Message to Han Jisung:

What happened?

[maundering-marauder]

Oh my friends — I was looooopy last night

So, invited my sister snd her roommate over (they’re in our pod) for crepes.

But ya know the time of crepe-making comes and I feel like I have absolutely zero energy, NEGATIVE energy if you will

But I promised people crepes, and crepes the people will get

So I go downstairs, throw on some music and make crepes

This post is not about making crepes. Let me fast forward. I’m playing SET with the roomie, sister, and friend. Energy is dwindling. Excuse myself from the game to literally lay on the couch like it’s a fainting bed.

Roommate is concerned because I am a social butterfly in the right context (he is a social butterfly in all contexts, we vibe well)

Friends are good friends and finish up their game and sprawl around the couch/chairs and decide to play a low energy game.

We decide to play ‘going to the grocery store’ a ridiculously easy game that passes the time like NO OTHER.

Concept: I’m going to to the grocery store and I need to buy something that starts with the letter p. Then you 20+ questions it. Honestly hilarious. Highly recommend for car rides.

This is where it gets loopy. I consistently am forgetting the letter we’re talking about, my brain is just fried, throwing out random shit. Yell at my sister that ‘it can’t be spinach because it doesn’t start with S’ kinda thing (my brain really latched on to the p in spinach for some reason).

But the piece de resistance is... and I think I need to like provide some background clarity into my role in the group.

I am either the like — I’ve got a plan friend and this is what we’re going to do OR 10000% the comic relief because I have no filter (generally) between my brain and mouth.

So I say things like... idk, a random story about going to the grocery store where chocolate milk is mentioned like 80 times OR say Chez mix instead of Chex mix because i legitimately can’t remember how the first word ends. Etc etc. My friends enjoy re-hashing these ‘nucci moments’ if you will. And I mean it’s all good fun.

So my roommate is re-hashing one of these moments about Carvel ice cream shops. One of our first kinda memories of hanging out. We’re waking down a main drag pass by a carvel’s, he says something about them, I have no idea what it is. And he’s like, oh man sorry must be a regional thing (I’m not from the east coast but live here now). And I’m like yep that must be it.

He’s retelling this story and my sister is like: wait hold the phone stop. Carvel ice cream is literally grandma’s favorite cake.

And I’m like what?!?!? You know what carvel’s was before we came out here. Also no, grandma DOES NOT eat cake (she 100% had an ED but that’s another whole story).

Long, way too long post short: I text my family on whether they know Carvel’s and my mom (who is me times 1000) ‘oh sweetie’s me’ <- ya know, like oh bless your soul type of thing.

Anyways, apparently carvel’s are nationwide, I’ve never seen my grandmother eat cake, and spinach starts with P